<<i'm gettig the impression that the WAW isn't trying really hard to love her husband...... which i think is the most frustrating for us...not tht she doesn't love me....it's that she decided not to try and love me.
Neil, just speaking for myself, I couldn't risk loving him for quite a while. I had tried to make our M work for both of us for so long. Once I gave up, it was really frightening to risk caring again. My C told me to be "open to the idea of opening up to him" for months & months. Course now I'm really glad I did. But for a long time, I was scared to death. I had tons of anxiety & stress just thinking about it.
That's why I think I had to watch his behavior. I had to test small things to see if he would react with harsh coldness, or soft tenderness. Only after months of tenderness did I start to really open up. Each show of anger from him, pushed me further back. Hot stove, don't touch.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
