Update...not good...I fear my suspicions about another woman are true.
I got curious about Hot August Nights in Reno since H said he was going there so I looked it up on-line. The thing is that Hot August Nights ended last weekend. That said, I didn't jump to immediate conclusions...thought I would wait to talk to H and find out if he mentioned that he was mistaken about the date.
Soooooo...he just called (sounding very chipper I might add) going on and on about the old cars and motorcycles he saw. So I said...it was Hot August Nights, huh? He replied yep...it's really cool I would like to bring D up here next time.
I think he's a big f'ing liar and I want to be sick to my stomach right now. This pain is crippling and I can't take it anymore.
I think he went up there to be with his friends, sure, but I'm positive there were females involved. He protests too much when I mention the possibility of another woman...I am so devastated.
God, can't I get over this already???? Why do I allow this person to hurt me so much?
Sweetie, because you love him. I know this is hard. But breath. What makes you think there is OW?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Because of the lies he tells. You see, when we were separated the first time I found out about another woman when she sent pictures of herself and my H and letters H had written her to my work as proof of their relationship. He promised me then that if he was ever interested in another woman again he would just leave me and that's what he just did.
He won't admit it, however, as that would make him look like the bad guy and he can't stand that. Also, because he keeps insisting I have been interested in someone else....the guilty always make accusations.
So he called last night when he finally got home from the Hot August Nights event that was actually over last week. God he must think I'm f'ing dumb. Anyway...I guess the truth is..what does it matter. He's told me it's over a million times so it's none of my business anyway. I know everyone says believe nothing they say...why is that????
I think the sex thing is out of guilt or some small concern that if he didn't give it to me I would get it somewhere else which I don't think means he wants me...it's the old "I don't want her, but don't really want anyone else to have her either" thing.
Spoke to H and mentioned that Hot August Nights was over last weekend. Of course this pissed him off...he said it's every day in August and why were you checking up on me. I said, I wasn't checking up really...was just showing D where you were on the internet and it said the event was over on the 10th. Anyway, he got really pissed off and said he's sick of me insinuating that he's off with some other woman. I told him...it's none of my business what you do anyway...can we just drop it? So he said okay but was clearly pissed off for the rest of the convo that, of course, turned to R talk. Seriously someone needs to slap me upside the head.
The convo started out with him saying he needs to figure out how to get his name of our timeshares since he needs to clean up his credit, which made me bring up how much it bothered me that he just left without any concern about the first and second mortgage etc. He stated I always come out smelling like a rose and he basically gave me everything...why wasn't I happy with that. I said because I can't afford it to which he replied...well you said you didn't need me and could do it on your own. I said, I only told you I didn't need you to hurt you. He said...well you succeeded. I said I did need you and I do need you now. Welllllllllll...let's just say of course everything in our relationship got brought up at this point. The only good side to all of this is that I think I did make him ponder a few things. For instance...I let him know I have spent a lot of time reading up on things and know how much my sexual rejection hurt him and told him I thought if he could do a little of the same and research how hormone issues affect a woman's libido maybe he could start to see that it wasn't about him or the fact that I was interested in someone else, it truly was my issue alone. Also, I told him I think he has it in his head that what we are experiencing is unique and that no one else has this strife in their marriage. I told him that many people experience these issues and we are actually kind of "text book" cases. He said he didn't know what to think anymore...didn't know what to believe and every time he just starts to think maybe I do understand the hurt I caused, I then proceed to accuse him of seeing another woman and he's right back to believing I'll never change. It's always my big mouth that gets me in to trouble.
It's always my big mouth that gets me in to trouble.
That sums it all up doesn't it? I could have written your last post. I think that sometimes all I have to do is open my mouth and everything is ruined for a while. I can see where you're coming from about the event in Reno but it might not have anything to do with an OW. I keep telling myself that if my XH had an OW or even someone he was interested in he wouldn't ML to me. I'm sure your H is the same.
Just breathe and take a while to regroup. Take it easy and let him be for a little bit. Let him contact you.
Last edited by JenInVen; 08/18/0801:30 AM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Thanks for stopping by my thread, your post was really true. I don't know what I was on with the whole name thing really. Although my family and family name is important to me (sisters, brother, parents etc) I was being quite immature and taking some kind of feminist view point or something.
Just reading your thread and it sounds like you are getting some really good advice. If the OW thing is not helping you reach your long term goal, I would let it go for now. I don't know why they lie or deceive, it only makes things worse IMO but they do and it isn't fair but there is not much we can do. When we pull them up on it their defences just go up and that brings us further away.
I hope you are feeling a little better. I see lots of positives in your sitch. I think Jen's advice above is really great.
I'll post over on your thread too, but my DB Coach recommended I read Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. It's directed at us women's lib types. It's really rather interesting you might want to pick it up.
I am not necessarily feeling better, but not worse so that's good...right?
Girlfriend! I've read every book you can think of...Languages of Love, 5 Languages of an Apology, How to get your Lover Back...Divorce Busting, Divorce Remedy, The Surrendered Wife...sheeeeeeeit! The list goes on and on...I have trouble though because I don't have him here to practice what I've learned...it pisses me off!
