Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

I want to thank each one of you for the compassion and kindness that you have shown to me here. I can't tell you how much it helps to come on here, and to have people relate their experience and advice to me. I had kinda decided that if no one had posted a reply, then I would take that as a sign..... I know. Dumb!

I really am right in the thick of it right now, and I know all of what you say here, makes great sense. I have never felt such low esteem, and know that it is absolutely paramount to try to reclaim that and my self-dignity. It is hard because I DO blame myself for all the failings, and the events that have lead me here, and I really do appreciate her point of view, and her adamant words about "no hope". But I know that she's really in love with this OP, and there's nothing I can do to change that.

TwinDad, I want to thank you particularly for taking the time to address so many of the things that I said. It did help to give me a slightly different perspective on some of the practical issues that I have. I have been far too passive about the OP, mainly because in DR, it mentions never bad-mouthing the OP. I realise now that I DO have to set some boundaries, and while I don't need to bad mouth him ( no matter how much I want to ), I also don't have to sit there and listen to it. I appreciate that I am perhaps enabling her to justify her constantly talking about him. But I am only too aware of the enormously powerful effects of an EA. It might well be a PA now, for all I know. I laugh about that "alien" thing which is such an accurate description of her weird behaviour.

I am, as of now, considering moving back into my home. She has mentioned recently( mostly as a result of my youngest son saying that he wanted to see me more of me ) that perhaps I could move back home to look after my boys, and she would move out. Not sure where, although I would think initially to her sister's. I did say to her that I couldn't see how that would work, as it would involve my giving up my job situation and leave us all destitute.

My career requires that I work mainly in London, and my home is 3 hours away.But I'm trying to be "solution orientated", and am trying to think of a way I could work more from home. I'm just not sure whether that would make my whole situation worse.OP has left his wife and is staying with a friend. So I guess that my moving back would initiate her moving out. I know I'm still focusing on what SHE might do, instead of me. But I'm kind of at a point now, where this "limbo" situation is causing such grief, that I feel I must do something to move this thing on. I feel like although she hasn't asked for the D yet, it feels like it's coming. But I think she wants me to be the bad guy, and to push her into it, so she can once again focus the blame on me.

One other thing that I haven't yet mentioned, is that her Mum has moved into our house, after paying for a large attic conversion. This was all planned, and was set in motion some time before all this came out. I love my Mother-in-law, and both my wife and I feel such guilt that she has moved into this situation. Although right now, I think that I can't allow that to influence my decisions about what I must do for myself. My biggest problem I think, is that I am severely lacking a "life". I work largely in isolation, and I only ever had that and my part-time home life. I've lost so much weight, and frankly, am a shadow of my former self. I know this isn't helping, and I must start looking after myself a good deal better than I have been doing. It's mostly stress I think. Lola, thanks so much for your advice. I am not seeing a C as yet, although I am thinking of trying that too. My wife is absolutely not interested in C, but I know that doesn't preclude my doing it.

I am praying too, and trying to get closer to God and my spiritual side. Still struggling though with the uncanny accuracy of the predictions of my future and my current situation from the psychic reading that I had. Wished now I hadn't done it. It makes it harder to believe that there might still be hope for us.
I must try to get back to "me" regardless.

Thankyou all so so much for your words. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
It really helps.