Im done.

[bluerain]

I wish that I could ask him why he is doing all of this. I made myself sad today thinking about all the awful things that he said about being married. He became very bitter about our marriage when he started the affair. Talking about how much marriage was a joke, and that he was dissillusioned with marriage, and people can go ahead and get married, it will all fall apart.

I thought wow, yeah, it must be awful to be married to your best friend. To have a wife that isnt jealous, and petty and needy, someone you harldy ever fight with, that must be pure hell. And when you say you want a divorce and are having an affair, boy to have a wife that would have done anything to save the marriage, that must have been intolerable. I really think that when his ship left for those 2 months, he absolutely convinced himself that our marriage was miserable, that we hated each other. I understand that he wanted out, but he didnt have to say those terrible things, they werent true. I loved being married.

I picked up the phone earlier to chew him out over this. But I decided that things have been pleasant lately with him, screaming at him wouldnt help. I think that this is a letter I need to write and take down to the beach.

I feel myself turning back into a basket case because of this whole new weirdness with the papers and him not wanting to sign them. I feel like I should tell the guy I have been seeing that we need to stop, but why should I sacrifice my chance at recovery for a H, who isnt making any indication of wanting to come home, besides the whole papers thing (if that IS an indication of him wanting to come home), which I do not understand AT ALL!!!

Breathe Kristin, just breathe...