Spoke to H and mentioned that Hot August Nights was over last weekend. Of course this pissed him off...he said it's every day in August and why were you checking up on me. I said, I wasn't checking up really...was just showing D where you were on the internet and it said the event was over on the 10th. Anyway, he got really pissed off and said he's sick of me insinuating that he's off with some other woman. I told him...it's none of my business what you do anyway...can we just drop it? So he said okay but was clearly pissed off for the rest of the convo that, of course, turned to R talk. Seriously someone needs to slap me upside the head.
The convo started out with him saying he needs to figure out how to get his name of our timeshares since he needs to clean up his credit, which made me bring up how much it bothered me that he just left without any concern about the first and second mortgage etc. He stated I always come out smelling like a rose and he basically gave me everything...why wasn't I happy with that. I said because I can't afford it to which he replied...well you said you didn't need me and could do it on your own. I said, I only told you I didn't need you to hurt you. He said...well you succeeded. I said I did need you and I do need you now. Welllllllllll...let's just say of course everything in our relationship got brought up at this point. The only good side to all of this is that I think I did make him ponder a few things. For instance...I let him know I have spent a lot of time reading up on things and know how much my sexual rejection hurt him and told him I thought if he could do a little of the same and research how hormone issues affect a woman's libido maybe he could start to see that it wasn't about him or the fact that I was interested in someone else, it truly was my issue alone. Also, I told him I think he has it in his head that what we are experiencing is unique and that no one else has this strife in their marriage. I told him that many people experience these issues and we are actually kind of "text book" cases. He said he didn't know what to think anymore...didn't know what to believe and every time he just starts to think maybe I do understand the hurt I caused, I then proceed to accuse him of seeing another woman and he's right back to believing I'll never change. It's always my big mouth that gets me in to trouble.
