What??? a party on my thread??? and I was out buying a new countertop and missed it??? We'll have to party on my countertop.
OK...
I have always believed that bad things happen to good people. Some of us have had to deal with the death or brain damage of our children then have our spouses turn on us after all that. Almost more than one can handle. But it did make us stronger.
My ex got hit with a TON of stuff at the time of our split. In the first case - he did not want a split. He wanted to have an affair, but had no idea he would get caught. maggot wanted him to get caught and set it up to happen. Hmmmm.... On the day we split - H was arrested. He got a dui and further charges (not something we're going to talk about - suffice to say - it was major and I knew I could not look at him the same way again. To him - his "rescue" by maggot and her total acceptance of him, warts and all made the leaving so much better than the horror surrounding the split. And for a time - it was likely great for him. But who could continue forever with a woman so manipulating and controlling? She monitors EVERYTHING that he does. Rarely lets him go anywhere alone. Accompanies him everywhere - even to golf (his favourite activity) which he eventually gave up.
Yes, I've seen my ex give up everything that he loved. His children, his activities, his job, the cottage, the dream house we built, our travel and me. The only thing he kept from the past was the red convertible. But it is 12 years old now. The leather seats have been ripped. And it has a funny smell to it. Hmmmm... not exactly the future he had in mind.
I agree. We are often wronged by others and rarely ever get the apology, the acknowledgement of regret or to see "karma" in action. But I agree with those of you who wrote about guilt. There is not a friend or family member who has not come to me when they've run into him. And he looked guilty. And they said he looks terrible. Every one of them says that he looks horrible. Strained. Tired. Aged beyond his years.
Yes, to me - that is "karma" or whatever you want to call it
And Bethie - how is going to look at the Pearly Gates when it is revealed that you've been shacking up with the Dalai Lama?
Sunny day. Busy doing work on my pc, working on crafts, tidying up my place then BAM - cloud burst and everything is getting wet again. Unbelievable how much rain we've had this Year. Just did a mad dash to move everything inside, though I decided to keep my laptop out on the swing since it is covered with an awning. Can't see being cooped up again.
Trying to find a plumber. Have called and they all say they'll call me back at the end of the day to set something up. That was yesterday and today. No one has called back. Typical! I'll get off the pc shortly to give them a chance. Frankly, at this point - the first one who says he'll do it will be hired. And I'll take whatever day he can do it. I've gone 3 weeks without a bathroom sink since handyman was so anxious to take it out but not anxious at all to install the new one (told me that AFTER ripping out the other one which sits on my deck awaiting a dump run. Charming!
Ashley phoned me just to chat. Said she was bored and lonely (read - MISSES MOM) - WOW! Maybe she DOES love me. Anyway, she is doing fine. No BF and she is ok with that. Lots of guys interested but I reminded her to take some time to be single. One of her guy friends ditched her yesterday from a concert they planned to attend next week. He didn't want her to go since she dumped her BF. She was REALLY upset at first - who could blame her and I planned my return to be there so she could go. But now she just cares about getting her money back. She also joined a new gym and likes it better than the old one. So this makes her happy too.
Beth, your voice is ringing in my ear - "you will always worry about her" -ain't that the truth.
It took me an hour to get online today. I still think I'm lucky to have ANY connection here in the far north.
ASh called again last night. I think time away has been good for us. She actually misses me. I'll be back to harrass her soon enough.
Josh will be arriving this evening (has a late day meeting in Toronto) and I've got a new movie for tonight. Tommorrow night we have tickets to a new play under a big top tent and dinner reservations at a lovely lakeside restaurant where Kurt, Goldie, Kate & Eric often dine. Guess I'll be getting dressed up for the first time in ages! It is also supposed to be sunny! Well, yippee. Last weekend (and most weekends this year) was so soggy I felt just awful for Josh and Brandon who made the northern trek.
Brandon is down to Niagara tommorrow and offered to take Ash with him to a Stag & Doe. She said she had to watch Ryan but I got a sitter so she could go. She will have fun and needs to get out with different people sometimes. She joined a new gym this week but it is where most of her current friends (including ex BF) go. Still, she sounds good. And 2 gyms are better than 1. I hope she can get money back on the first.
I have 3 little black kittens climbing over my laptop as I type. At night they sit and peek in the window - can be scary at moments when you're not expecting it but still so cute. I call them "Moochie", "Gucci" and "Hoochie Koochie". Did I write this before. Oh probably.
Like Jill...
My life is SO boring.
But boring is good. It will be back to work way too soon.
Karma. I do believe the best karma is those who are wrong GAL and being content. But I personally think it takes many years if ever for us to actually see the karma that explodes on someone who did us wrong.
Most of my friends here know I was married twice. I D'd my 1st H because my kids were in danger. He was in the military, but was abusing prescription drugs (hiding that fact from the MIL), and was the most womanizing narcissist I have ever met and I had to take them away for their safety. I left everything. the house, the furniture, the pension, just to get away. But I knew I had to.
So many years have passed. I remarried, X1 remarried. I had twins, X1 had twins. I divorced, X1 divorced. Seems like the same story right? The difference is that X1 has lost his 2nd set of children, cannot even see them without supervision, has lost his military pension to his X and kids, and his first 2 kids have nothing to do with him. Every now and then he calls my daughter and cries to her. She feels sorry for him. But she wishes she had a real live father. She loves him, but she doesn't see him.
He lost. I wish he had not, but he did. And he chose that for himself.
Karma, not really. I think when we all stand at the pearly gates, that's when karma exists. And then, we here on earth do not hear about it. But I do believe that bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. It's how we live our lives that matters.
I have heard many people say "you may never know it when it comes back on them" LOL Well, I think that's a crock too. I chalk that one up to some people pn the board who say " Well a lot of the people here get back with thier spouse and just don't come back" LOL Yeah right. Anyway, HT it sounds to me like your EX has experienced more mental illness rather than Karma comming back on him, sounds like a pretty messed up person.
Thanks for the positive reinforcement. Sometimes I question why I'm still here. Every now and then I think I toss out a piece of helpful advice but mostly I think I just like the social life with likeminded people who "get it".
The time you and I met was probably one of the most emotionally charged weekends I ever had. I was still so into "saving" my M. So vulnerable. So wanting to "get a life". So unready to move on. I laughed. I cried. I had the time of my life. And the cry of my life. But that kickline we did to Gloria Gaynor was so awesome. SO powerful. I can't ever hear that song without thinking about that night. And I think I knew then that no matter whay. I was gonna be just fine. You knew it too.
Yep, we were sure blithering messes at times. Sitting on the curb. Or sitting on the never ending roller coaster. Glad we finally jumped off, aren't you?
We have an advice column in our paper. Somewhat like Dear Abby. Might just be a Canadian thing. It is Ask Ellie. Hey KML - how do you like that??? Anyway I thought today's letter might hit home with a few of you. Written by the OW no doubt. Just a glimpse into how its "really going".
Q: My partner and I are in our fifth year of living together; we both left long marriages and are both now divorced. We initially discussed getting married some day. He's now reluctant, feeling another marriage might fail. This baffles me as we get along very well. He harbours heavy guilt feelings (predominant in our relationship) because he hurt people in his family and mine. I also feel remorseful having hurt my children/family but remind him we did this because we'd fallen in love. I'm hurt that he cannot bring himself to propose; he tells me to be patient and that "someday" he'll surprise me. We went to one session of counselling but he refuses to go back, nothing has changed. I'm considering leaving but I love him and believe he loves me. Any suggestions?
HURT AND ANGRY
A: There are few pain-free divorces. People get hurt, children often worse, and even the principals who sought the breakup often suffer deeply despite their next relationsip being a loving one. You both have what you initially sought: you're together and still love each other. But your partner as not fully moved on and needs to work that out on his own. Your anger and hurt won't spur him on. Leaving him might only depress him. If he's the man you want for the rest of your life, drop the pressure. So long as you're getting along well and happy in all else together, give him time. But if the realtionsip becomes strained by his guilt feelings, then make his getting a full course of counselling a condition of your staying with him.
So - Seems it really isn't all that rosy. I see a lot of ex and maggot in that story.
Had a great weekend here at the cottage. Much better than the week of intermittent rain and cool days.
Josh arrived and it was rainy. Figures. But I had put a roast in the oven and had dinner on the table in minutes. Very domestic of me, no? I just needed the apron. Anyway, we shared a bottle of Reisling and later had apple pie.
We watched "Nim's Island", a new release DVD with Abigail Breslin and Jodi Foster. We both really enjoyed it. Then we caught some of the Olympics.
Sat morning we moved in my new cabinets for the bathroom. 1 plumber out of 4 finally called back. He can't install for over a week but I said "fine" and that's that. Still needed to pick up the linen tower since I hadn't had room in the car. Then I got my car stuck in the driveway (fresh gravel from the remake). We took Josh's car into town but the cabinet wouldn't fit. I was not happy but he bought me ice cream to make me feel better. Yeah - that helped. I got CAA (auto club) to Unstuck my car then we had lunch on the beach. I went back to town on my own to get the cabinet, leaving Josh to enjoy the sun. When I returned I saw that he had hauled up 3 loads of rocks from the beach to use in my new garden! What a guy. Earlier in the morning he had set up my new printer since I could get more work done here with a printer.
We dressed up and went out to "The Rock". Had wonderful filet mignon and strawberry cheesecake. Then we went to "Old Love" a wonderful play in a small tent. Very funny. Very well acted. You would have all related to it. Starred only one couple who played all the parts but it was about being in your 50s and starting over after a death and a divorce. Both people had been cheated on yet it was handled in a very light way. You really felt for the actors. The tent was alongside a gorgous lake and of course it was a full moon. We had to walk along a dark path lit by lanterns from our car to the tent. It was really romantic and I will remember it always.
Saw some of the Olympics. Canada finally has 4 medals.
"Oh Canada, our home and native land"... Nice to hear our national anthem too!
Morning coffee in the gazebo while a mist lingered over the lake. Moved the final cabinet after breakfast right into place in the bathroom. I attached the handles and I'm thrilled with the way things are shaping up here. We also put a mattress pad on the new mattress and are thrilled with the nautical look of the new bedroom. White wicker and powder blue walls. I just LOVE it!
Josh found my glasses yesterday and I found my camera today. I HATE losing things. Ok, that's 4 for 4 things that I lost then found this week.
I won Scrabble - YEAH! Josh brought up more rocks for the garden. And I made banana splits before he left. So sad he has to go back to the city when it is an absolutely perfect day here.
I, too, have to go home tommorrow. I have so much to do for the dance studio. Here I don't want to work - just want to bang on my drum all day -well, something like that.
Brandon is coming here next week with his friends so my final putting away of stuff from the reno has begun.
And Friday night's dinner was so good that I decided to make it again tonight and finish all the wine we didn't finish together. What an awesome goal!
Happy Sunday!!!
By the way, U.S. Friends - that Mike Phelps is AMAZING!
