We have an advice column in our paper. Somewhat like Dear Abby. Might just be a Canadian thing. It is Ask Ellie. Hey KML - how do you like that??? Anyway I thought today's letter might hit home with a few of you. Written by the OW no doubt. Just a glimpse into how its "really going".
Q: My partner and I are in our fifth year of living together; we both left long marriages and are both now divorced. We initially discussed getting married some day. He's now reluctant, feeling another marriage might fail. This baffles me as we get along very well. He harbours heavy guilt feelings (predominant in our relationship) because he hurt people in his family and mine. I also feel remorseful having hurt my children/family but remind him we did this because we'd fallen in love. I'm hurt that he cannot bring himself to propose; he tells me to be patient and that "someday" he'll surprise me. We went to one session of counselling but he refuses to go back, nothing has changed. I'm considering leaving but I love him and believe he loves me. Any suggestions?
HURT AND ANGRY
A: There are few pain-free divorces. People get hurt, children often worse, and even the principals who sought the breakup often suffer deeply despite their next relationsip being a loving one. You both have what you initially sought: you're together and still love each other. But your partner as not fully moved on and needs to work that out on his own. Your anger and hurt won't spur him on. Leaving him might only depress him. If he's the man you want for the rest of your life, drop the pressure. So long as you're getting along well and happy in all else together, give him time. But if the realtionsip becomes strained by his guilt feelings, then make his getting a full course of counselling a condition of your staying with him.
So - Seems it really isn't all that rosy. I see a lot of ex and maggot in that story.
