If I remind him, it would be because we cant have any more defaults (its joint names). Its not caretaking of him, its just reality!?? He's paying no attention to it and its very stressful.
Can you not just have one conversation with him and get him to set up a DD for the payment? It'd stop the discussions about the payments, which I do think, in a way are caretaking (sorry). It seems to me that you're taking responsibility for the payment, which means that he doesn't have to, and since you don't want to be the caretaker figure in his life, it'd be a good idea to not have to remind him you're looking after this every month.....
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If he had an OW, yes that would be it, as that would effectively be his new GF, seeing as we've been split up and he's not been in love with me, as he says, for 9/10 months.
Fair enough if you see a new GF as the end for you (but do you see it as the end for you, or just a signal that he sees it as the end?) BTW- this is something I often wonder about for you- are you making decisions based on what you think, or based on the actions of others, because deciding based on what you *think* other people mean/don't mean is the path to confusion. Deciding based on your own feelings and wants is, IMO, a better and more congruent route to take.
BTW, did I miss something? Has he actually been repeatedly saying that he's not in love with you for the past 9 months, or is that something you're attributing to his actions of not behaving as your BF for the past 9 months? Because to me the two don't necessarily equal each other- all WAS say the IDLYA thing when they leave, but they don't always mean it. They have their own issues. (Before you say he didn't give you a reason for leaving, they mostly don't or come out with rubbish- like my H's vegetables reason)
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My BFF says, I have made it this far, I should continue to wait the year, till November, like I said all along I would. So I guess I will do that but need to cope better in the meantime.
Are you doing that because you want to, or because your friend says to? I really get the impression that your actions are driven by other people as opposed to coming from you (see comment earlier). Maybe it's the way things sound in writing, but I genuinely believe your actions have to come from you. PLEASE stop being discouraged by what people say or don't say. You have to choose a course and stick with it- set goals and move towards them.
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Although I did get a couple of emails this week (brief). Its just such massive rejection, its like he's left me twice.
I think this is because you're having expectations around your interactions with him. Let go of the expectations and things will get easier. NO EXPECTATIONS, Al!
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I cant believe how much power he has, or I feel he has and how powerless and weak I feel in the face of his actions and rejection of me.
And detach- the reason you feel he has the power is because you're not detached. Everything he does affects your mood, so you have to try really hard to detach from that. Have hope for the restoration of your R, but stop reading into every little thing he does. You KNOW that this isn't about you- he told you that. It's about him and you're getting too involved in his journey. Let him sort himself out. Focus on you and take the power back. BTW- I see the comment about him rejecting you as an assumption. when men are in their caves, they're thinking, not rejecting people who aren't in there. Read Mars and Venus if you haven't already.
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Maybe I should see how it goes this week, if he contacts me to meet up. I guess I shouldnt contact him at all.
Yes, don't contact him. And don't watch and wait this week to see if he contacts you to meet up. See if he contacts you but don't expect to meet- if you do and then he doesn't suggest it, you'll get disappointed and feel rejected again. NO EXPECTATIONS.
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Although, its his birthday Thursday and I cant ignore that?
You can if you want to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, so decide how you're going to handle it and then do it without expectation of a response, or that it will in some way 'win' him back.
Sorry if this sounds harsh. I just don't see what else you can do, or how you're going to be successful in this if you can't detach. Without detachment, my coach said, you can't reach stage 2, so this really has to be your first step. Have you considered speaking to a coach? I think it would really help you devise a plan and move forward.
