There is something about that guy! He doesn't even touch her? I don't think I'd marry a guy who I had never ML too...what if it was horrible. I know sex isn't everything but bad sex is not a good way to have a happy M.
And yes maybe he is gay but ne needs a wife for appearances???'
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I'm not sure. He might be, but it really isn't something I had even considered.
Her comments made it sound like it was something she wasn't able to live with (the lack of physical affection). She said, "All I know is that the results of my surgery had better be appreciated. I don't even feel like he is attracted to me."
A few weeks back, I asked her how she would cope with his disfunction. She said it was workable with a little effort. I laughed at that because that's how I felt about the little things she felt she couldn't be with me for. Every R takes a little effort. Now I know she was just telling me that so she could justify her decisions.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I kind of thought I might hear from her again this evening, but I didn't. I've been all over the board today with thoughts, etc. I get a little excited about her venting about her OM, and then I think to myself that I should just give up and move on. I think I'm focusing on her too much, and her actions, and just need to be me and whatever she does, she does.
I've heard it mentioned a lot over the last couple of weeks about become part of something that is a greater cause than yourself. I'm kind of feeling called to do something like that, but I don't know what it is yet. Maybe I'll get some clarification in church tomorrow.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
I'm glad I went to church today. I haven't been for a while and was getting a rut. It always seem like when I make the effort, the sermon is specifically for me.
Today it was about being overwhelmed. It was really good. There was a lot of it that applied to me, and a lot of it that applied to her. I wish she could have been there to hear it. There was a part where he said you have to realize your struggles are within yourself. You could be overwhelmed and struggling, and have a magic wand and make everyone around you perfect, and not causing you any troubles, and yet you would still feel overwhelmed and struggling. Good stuff.
I woke up feeling ready to give in, because I don't see her coming back to me, and kind of feeling like it wouldn't matter if I did, that she's too flaky and won't figure things out until she realizes that her stresses aren't caused or fixed by outside sources. I'm still kind of feeling that way, but I'm also kind of missing her a bit. I hate seeing her stress. She reached out to me yesterday and the day before because of it. It felt kind of nice to have her do that, but I also know that it doesn't mean anything, and was only to make herself feel better.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
I just got back from church. I found a place where the messages always pertain to some part of my life. The new series is called You Are Here. It talked about Elijah, passage being in Kings 1, and how he tested the people worshiping Baal, and showed them that he was not a god. Only God was. But then he got tired, and ran for fear of being killed. God found him, and told him to go back. When he did, he found many followers of God, where Elijah thought he was the only one.
It also stated that in the midst of the fire, earthquake, and storm, Elijah was waiting for God's voice, but it was only when it was silent that he heard God speak.
The message behind the message is that sometimes we need to go back to where we started, and start over. I found this message particularly endearing because I have been contemplating the beginning of my relationship with H, when we were friends. I realized that you can't ever really go back, but you can go back to the ideas of the beginning, when there was no pressure, when it was just about loving each other and making each other happy.
I think that this may pertain to all of us a little. We are trying so hard to find the way to reconcile with our spouses that sometimes, we don't stop to listen. There is so much noise going on, radio, television, phones, and the noise of every day life, that it is only in the moments of silence that we can be focused enough to hear God's voice.
This takes me back to about a week ago, when I was so frustrated, ready to backslide and send H an email. I took myself out of the sitch, went down to my car, and sat in silence. The voice did come, small, but said stop. just wait. And I listened. H called 20 minutes later.
Floyd, listen to God's voice. Take moments of silence, calm your brain, heart, soul and mind, and breath. You will hear it.
(((Floyd)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. Church today was very enlightening. I haven't heard from her at all today and I wasn't really expecting to. She told me the other day that she didn't think she would have a minute of alone time to call or talk, but I think she might tonight when she goes to bed. I don't know.
I've been fine most of the day since church. It's been busy and I haven't really had a whole lot of time to think about things. Now things are winding down as we get homework done and get the kids in bed so I'm starting to think about it more. I don't want to be the one to contact her. I do wonder if she will contact me tonight. Especially since she is having surgery tomorrow morning.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
