Hey Lisa..not been on here all day, just feeling too down, so thanks for your message.

I hear what you're saying. The tone of his voice to begin with (talking about himself and feeling ill/stressed) was grumpy and depressed sounding, as you'd expect. When he spoke about me, his voice became sweet and emphatic, no of course its not you, no I'm not upset/annoyed at you..etc. BUT he can see me as a friend and not be upset/annoyed at me, but still not want me back.

The thing about him not feeling well could be genuine. Or, as Mishka said, he could be making excuses. I also have to remember that he has repeatedly said (when drunk) that its not me, he is mental, crazy, needs to sort himself out, just needs some time...So its not as though he had an OW, or had any issues with me. But, saying, I'm just going to relax, chill, veg...thats all excuses and not saying whats really going on, that he doesnt want to see me/spend time with me anymore, because...?

a. I've been done and you're not, but I cant handle seeing you anymore
b. I wasnt sure before, but now I am, I'm done
c. I spoke with my BMF and he said/I decided I need to let go and leave you be
d. I have been seeing you as I am needy and leaning on you and decided to stop
e. I have been seeing you as I felt sorry/responsible for you, but its been 9 months and I have decided to stop and put myself first
f. I havent got the capacity for you and your sad face/voice as I feel rubbish
g. I feel rubbish and stressed
h. I am seeing someone new and dont want to hurt you by saying that

Its very confusing. Some folks here say he's done. My sister said, go dark on him and see if he responds in a few months (although admittedly not practical as we have so many tangled financial issues and I'm anxious about having to remind him again next week to pay some money in). Should I go dark?

My Mum thinks it is over, but that he is very unhappy and who knows what might happen in the future once he has sorted himself out, but...do people really go backwards once they've moved on?

I think it is over, isnt it? Its been over for 9 months, I havent seen him for 4 weekends now, eventhough we are both here. I just looked at where he would have to move and its not a great area and he doesnt like it there. I am sure as you say that he is super stressed about it. Thanks for reading the convo with him again!

Feeling stressed about our house. He has done this and is in the driving seat yet never mentions it. I dont know why he doesnt want to sell up, probably because he cant be bothered to, nothing about me or us. The problem is, as has been the last year, he wont tell me what he's thinking. I could ask him this?

If I had broken up with him and was done..I would have broached selling or buying him out by now. I did own a house with a previous bf and I paid him off within about 3 months of him moving out. Plus I never phoned him to see how he was after 6 months apart. Although I was seeing my current ex by then.

I'm feeling a bit paranoid today that he has met someone else already (unlikely considering his mental state?), I find it hard to believe he would choose to be alone all weekend, thats SO not like him. Unless he has realised he has a drink problem, which I think he has (binge drinking every weekend).