Memories of today

[One Day]

Hey beth,

I'm so sorry I missed your last post. How's your weekend going? I hope you're having fun!

I know, if I feel in love with someone else (as H has claimed with the Horse), I would say to H, "I'm sorry, I love this new man, I'm going to be with him". Why hasn't H said that to me? Why continue to wear his ring?

I think partly because he's confused and partly because he's chasing a fantasy, and partly because he knows he loves you and feels hugely guilty and ashamed of how he's been behaving. Men are so much better able to compartmentalise their feelings than we are. It's hard to understand....

Of COURSE she is treating him poorly: He is married and refuses to commit to her!

LMAO!! Not that she doesn't deserve to get no commitment, of course

I honestly believe, if he truly wanted a relationship with her and didn't have any doubts about it, he would go be with her completely.

I totally agree- same for my H and the aub. From their POV it must be hugely frustrating, thinking they're getting their hands on this great guy and exciting R, but it doesn't pan out and by that time they're in it emotionally, trapped by the R and guilt of knowing how the R started.....

Doesn't he realize that if he did that, she MAY just start treating him better? It is so stupidly logical to me.

ROFLMAO! It IS stupidly obvious to all but an alien WAS!!

So, it makes me question...why hasn't he? Probably because he knows that I do truly love him. That I am amazing.

Very true!!

There has been a lot of discussion around my chest lately and he has always loved my breasts, so I've been trying to wear flattering outfits. I don't know what else I can do? I guess I can begin to flirt more? But, Lisa--How do I flirt with him again? We've become so comfortable with him, how can I do it without seeming weird?

Firstly, I totally applaud and approve of chest related discussions! Hurray for discussions about your breasts- I hope T read this and approved as well

I know what you mean about it feeling difficult to flirt more when you're comfortable together. I felt like a prize idiot when I started trying to flirt when I met up with H at first. I just started by trying to look a bit more deeply and for longer into his eyes, imagining I was kising him slowly as I did it. I read that when you do that it slows your voice down and makes it more seductive. Then after I managed to get him to make occassional eye contact I'd stroke my cleavage, or play with my hair, or glance at him a little, look away and then look back and smile. I don't know if it really affects H, but my aim is for him to not feel totally as though we're friends; that there's something else between us. Try googling Superflirt as well- it's a book on (probably obviously!) how to flirt. It's good practise, anyway, for if I ever meet someone other than H who's worth my exceptional flirting skills!

But, earlier in July, I had some amazing dates with this one guy who I could simply fall for. But, nothing in a while. It has been absolutely amazingly, wonderfully, quiet.

Gosh, that sounds fantastic- I'm envious. You sound at peace. I'm so happy for you!!

For your H, I keep going back to that day when he said that he would fix everything. I wonder, if perhaps, you do give him some sort of "I deserve better than this" speech, it would kick start it? But, that always goes back to, are you ready in case he chooses the other.

I wonder about that too, since him saying he'd fix things came immediately after I said I was going to back off and not speak to him any more. But then for whatever reason, he wasn't able to step up, and I don't think it was becausehe chose her, as obviously he's still seeing me. it must be that he can't break the addiction to her. DB Coach said to make myself more of a sure thing and ignore her so I'm trying it for now, but a big speech is definitely a possibility in the future.

Do you think something similar would work on your H? I can't remember any discussions/R talk between you guys ever..... and wonder if it might be worth having one to see what the deal is with him still wearing his ring/seeing you?

((((((Beautiful Beth with the lovely chest!!))))))))

L. xx
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