Guys remind me NOT to go to my Best GF house for awhile.
I decided to go over there yesterday, because the kids and I have been couped up in the house for two wks between being sick and me working, so I had to get them out. Headed over to my gf house (known her since hschool) anyways, her one son is borderline autistic. she also has a one year old daughter who is fine. anyways, this child who is 4 1/2 is just plain difficult (and Im being nice). She leans on the fact that hes aut. and that is why is really really mean to other children. I have done research on the matter, and they do say they have trouble, but this is WAY beyond it. I love her to death, but she is in total denial. He went after my S5 and through a hard toy at him in the face, he started crying (takes alot for my son to cry like that). Left a wonderful mark on his face. She didn't even put in time out. I was LIVID! He did not share at all and fought with both my kids the entire time. I had to watch them like a hawk in fear of them getting hurt by this kid. He tried to hurt my little one by my S5 stepped up and blocked him from doing it then pushed him down. S5 is VERY protective of his little brother, which i am SO VERY PROUD OF!! but get this, she doesn't alow him to say Poopie to another child because she considers that a bad word and will put pepper on his mouth for it, but won't do anything about him being violent to another kid... WTH????????
Someone explain this to me. So last night when we got home S5 was complaining about his neck hurting. He said when "a" hurt him with the toy, he fell backwards and hit the back of his neck.. NOW IM MAD AS HE$$. Im mad at her for not stepping up and punishing her kid. I can't believe it. I told H about it and he's really angry. Im supposed to have dinner with her on Friday, and I think im going to lay it on the line with her that there is more going on her then his disability. He doesn't listen and she is way too passive with him.
Sorry to long had to vent, when it comes to my kids im a wild animal
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
I am by no means an expert in autism nor an expert in child rearing, but I happen to be a parent and I happen to to have a child (S7) who has an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), albeit very mild and high-functioning (Aspergers). I'd say your friend is great denial about her son.
Any child can be taught right-from-wrong, even to the smallest degree, even mentally-challenged ones. Discipline is imperative for all children to learn their boundaries with other people. We all need to learn the consequences for our actions. I don't agree with the notion that autistic people can be automatically given a free pass. It is not fair to the ASD child.
H*ck, we can discipline and teach obedience to dogs, who are far less capable than most ASD children (not that one should use the same methodology, mind you), so developmentally challenged children should be as capable.
The pepper on the tongue bit with your friend shows that even she acknowledges and hopes that some form of negative stimuli (punishment) will train the child against an unwanted behavior. It belies her assertion that her son's autism prevents him from being disciplined.
I know how difficult it is for a parent to cope with a handicapped child, especially a mentally-handicapped one. Your friend may not really know how to handle her situation, through ignorance and/or denial. I hope, if she hasn't already, she has sought out aid from support groups, for parents with Autism Spectrum children. (We have a great one here in NC.) She needs to learn what can and cannot be accomplished with her child.
Keep your own kids away from her loose cannon. Talk to her if you think you can.
Oh man!! Poor S5, all brave and protecting his brother. PS: I love seeing that in my kids as well.
My neighbor has twins, and one is autistic. He is only 4, but he is more distant and detached than he is violent and mean tempered. He is actually so very sweet. He has his moments, but its all about him, and never has to do with other kids, just his frustrations. And his parents remove him when he has fits. I know nothing about autism, so my opinions are un-educated. But I am so sorry it was so stressful!!
Sorry that happened to your son. I think there is only one solution. Your kids cannot play with him anymore. My son really liked the little boy across the street. He would ask to go play with him everytime he saw him outside his house (which was a lot). But the boy liked to play with sticks. And one day, I saw him hitting my son with the stick. I went right over and yelled at him. The Mom came out and criticized me for yelling at her kid. Son never played with her kid again. Not worth taking a chance.
Thanks for the hugs, I just can't tolerate a child being so out of control when I don't let my own son act that way.
I did call her and told her that he was up 1/2 the night with his neck bothering him, and she apologized and offered to pay the dr.s bill if I eneded up going, I said no need, I have ins., but he doesn't want to come over anymore.
I then heard her say to her son "you really hurt S5 yesterday"... he said oh im sorry. Like this kid is really going to get it, this happend over 24hrs. ago, you have to nip that behavior in the butt when it happens! I had to go b/c H was calling, but She knows me well enough when im upset.
So Friday will be the day I talk to her.
Lwb~ I know other aut. children and yes, they are very sweet, and don't really ever interact that way with other kids. Its definately a behavior issue and a parenting issue.
Kudos to you Sara, I would have done the same thing. If my child hit another, he would have He$$ to pay, that is not acceptable.. however saying "poopie head" I don't have a fit about
Off to take the kids to the movies with my mom... My kids love the Mummy movies... I know what you're going to say, but they are so into it , just like me, I couldn't get enough of Friday the 13th or Jaws when I was 7.
Thanks for the support...
H called.. he's almost at his desintation thank goodness, I worry with him driving out there for 40 hours. He wants me to ask my mom if she will take the kids the day he comes back so he can "enjoy" me alone, go out to dinner and stuff. So Im excited about that.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
LOL tal!!! Yeah, the pepper thing is so odd when she ignores the big actually 'bad' behavior!!! UGH Make plans when you don't have the kids, just you and her!
Im'e here I just haven't been able to take the time to get on or call anyone it has been so hectic!!!
I have to agree with nocodes,one of my twin grandsons we believe is a highly functional autistic. with autism You need to re enforce things and be very diligent with disipline or anything for that matter. Sounds like denial or plain overwhelmed to me.
i'll have to try to call you.
LWB made me laugh, I agree with sh&thead.
Hugs TAL thinking of you!
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Glad to hear your H is spending at least some of the 40 hours thinking about you. The time alone when he comes home sounds good. Whew! Where did he drive to? That is a long drive.
Poor S5, all brave and protecting his brother. PS: I love seeing that in my kids as well.