Quote:
I pull up behind her at her apartment. I say hello to her. She said why are you following me. I said I wasn't following you. I was going for a drive and you drove by and I wanted to see the kids.

Son have Mikie D's and stuff, and D has Wendys. I help the kids get out of the car. I tell them I just wanted to see you kids and I'm plenty mad that you guys didn't call me This kind of stuff would be eliminated if you'd set a schedule. Also, why do you constantly blame those kids who are what, 4 & 8, for not calling you? This is not the first time you have made such a comment to them and it's bratty of YOU, Phil . My son runs into the house to go to the restroom.

I wait outside on the stoop. My kids come back. So does wife she is unloading the car. She has a bunch of Wal-mart bags.

I ask her if she needs help. She says no. You never help me unload the car before why should you now You need to start paying attention to these comments your wife makes. Somewhere in them is truth. You disregard everything she says - watch the other statements I bold - you have examples throughout many other posts as well... . I said that is so untrue. I always helped you unload the car if I was home. You normally went shopping while I was at work.

She says I got the kids some school clothes. I said would you like some money for them. She says NO. I don't know how much I spent because I mixed grocercies in with them. I said ok, well let me know how I can help.

The kids come back out again. I give them a kiss. I tell them I know Mother doesn't want me here so I'm leaving Again, bratty of YOU. . I give them a kiss. I said be good for your Mother and listen the first time, and do it the first time. They say ok.

I then tell my son to go get mommy.

She comes down.

HERE IS WHERE I GET STUPID!

She says why don't you go out. I said I don't want to go out. I want to be with my family. She says you never wanted to be with us before. I said that isn't true. She says you were never home. I said that isn't true either. When I started going to school, I never even went out because I was studying every night. She says go out. I said I don't want to go out. But I am leaving because I know you don't want me here. I do really want to be with my family.

Then she says. You really need to quit chewing. OMG I'm thinking... I have been chewing snuff since we met. I said yes I should quit. Nicotine is a strong addiction.

Well ok, go out, because you were never home. I said please that isn't true.

This is where I get really stupid.

I said I'm leaving can I have a hug. She rolls her eyes and sighs. She gives me a hug. I said ok, see you later.


You are still only thinking about what Phil wants instead of the reasons she has for leaving. I still don't think your wife is MLC but that's neither here nor there because the things you need to do are the same no matter what. You need to spend some time reflecting on the things your wife says and make an attempt to discover what YOU DID or DIDN'T DO that made her perceive things that way. It doesn't matter that you disagree with her. What matters is that you humble yourself enough to admit that she might actually be right to some extent. You have no respect for her and I don't think that's a new thing.

It's true that you need to set goals for yourself.
It's true that you need to not focus so much on the things she does - because they actually distract you from your purpose - which is to look inside of Phil.
But it is also true that you haven't cornered the market on being right about everything that happened in your marriage.
Your wife gives you lots of clues as to why she felt she needed to leave and since you've been here, I've watched you poo poo every one of them and never once stop to consider that she might be right. You know Phil, you can be physically present in a house and still not be there....think about it.

One thing you will see if you read other threads here is that every single spouse of a MLCer - and every single spouse of a walk-away spouse has one thing in common: they discovered their own failings within the marriage and they owned them. They learned things they did wrong, things they could have done better and things they never did at all but should have done. Your pride and desire to blame your wife's behavior on MLC prevent you from doing what every other spouse here has done, regardless of their spouse's reasons for leaving: facing themselves in the mirror.

I don't think you're going to get away with avoiding that for very long in this forum.