How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[Neilh23]

I did mail a simple card "Happy Anniversary" with something pre-printed card like " Its not the past, nor the future, but what's inside that is important" and I signed "Love, ___"

W must have gotten it yesterday - because she picked up my daughter this morning and W was short and with attitude. Not sure if because of the card, or because it was only a card.

don't worry about what she thinks. that's her thing...if she's pissed, that's her problem. You did it from the heart. that's what matters.

I have ordered a bouquet of flowers... was advised against a dozen roses (would have too much meaning and push her further away), but went with something like 5 or 6 red roses with bunch of purple flowers, etc.

Unless this is something that you've never done before (ie..send flowers) don't do this. It's pursuing, which the W does NOT want. She knows how you feel. Trust me. Trust that she knows. Anything like this is considered pressure from the LBS and what they are trying to do is process a TON of emotions and they can't when they get things like that from us.

When W is giving off attitude, like this morning - I feel empty inside and hopeless.

You cannot let that happen. OWN your emotions. Don't let her dictate your hope for saving your M. Detach from your W. don't let her emotions and feelings effect yours. I know, easier said than done; however figure out how to do it. G(et) A L(ife). do things with yourself. Find what makes YOU happy, outside of your W and M. Work to keep a Positive Mental Attitude (PMA). People are attracted to other positive people. Smile when you are around her. I don't know how much contact you have with your W, but be happy and content on the outside, even if you feel like sh*t on the inside. They know how much they've hurt us. SHowing it only creates more guilt for them, and hence, more pressure.

I have less than 10 months to try to save a marriage that my W doesn't want - I pikced up some more self-help books to read to make myself irresistible (yeah right)to her.

Please do not think like that. Find the positive interactions with your W. Become the man that your W fell in love with. Do not think in terms of months....it's going to take awhile, but it is possible. REad stories on this board. Try different things and gauge how they work. You'll be able to tell if they do or not. Just be consistent.

What has she said that you need to work on? Do you know? Have you gone to see a counselor? Have you considered getting some of the DB coaching sessions?

You've already made the first big positive step. YOu are here. You know what you want. Your W does not. No matter what she says, she does not. THis statement rings true for everything: Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. They will speak in absolute negatives because they are scared and hurting too. Know that your W is experiencing the same type of emotions you are.

STay strong. Babysteps are first......