Starbuck: It's good that you got all that out in the open in your first post - but now it's time to set aside a lot of what you've been doing and prepare yourself for some serious growth.
I'm sorry that you're here - but I can tell you that there's no better place for you to share your thoughts. For starters - stop chasing, stop saying I love you, stop throwing need at him -any time you say or express your love/need right now you are basically pushing him further away, not paying enough attention to yourself, and you're also doing all of the thinking about your R/M so that he doesn't have to...
My W and I had(have?) a very similar situation to yours - in terms of anger, tempers, insults, etc...with that aside, where it comes from in your past is not the focus here - and it can't be the focus as you move forward. Instead, the focus will have to be on strengthening yourself - while learning new ways to validate what your H says/feels/etc.
Pick up a copy of Divorce Remedy as soon as you can -- read and post on other people's threads - dive in and start sharing your thoughts, asking questions, and allow yourself the difficult challenge of making and learning from your mistakes...DBing is tough - maybe one of the toughest things you'll have done up to this point in your life - and one of the main things to remember is that you cannot improve your marriage...........without first improving yourself.
A lot of the actions you described would come across as desperate - and desperate just isn't attractive - self-confidence and inner-strength, however, is attractive.
Start reading more here...and tell us more about you - and your goals - the solutions you can imagine for improving yourself - and the solutions you can come up with for your interactions with your M. One big suggestion I would offer for now - is stop pursuing him, stop the texting, stop being needy - stop putting pressure on him - it will only backfire.
If you've argued a lot - consider where it happens, why, over what kinds of issues, and think about some 180s you can do.
