Ready to GAL...Drop the Rope...Detach..2...

[ddstartingover]

Well, I went with my daughter and a friend and had a pedicure.........now how in the hell do I find out what will give me the happiness I thought I could only have with H?

I hear you on all the guilt trips, and trying to get him to talk. I'm done. I'm not as bitter as it seems I am here, I really am not. I really don't think I'm putting much pressure on him either-----I wanted him to acknowledge OW, and he finally has in a way.

I know I will not change anything with the way I am now. I know that what I am writing to him will not do one damn thing----but some of that I needed to say to him---for ME. I had to let him know that he was asking too much of me to ignore the fact that OW exists. I don't expect him to appreciate it. I don't expect him to change one thing after reading what I wrote. I know it is anti-DB and the wrong way to handle the MLC'er, but I had to do it for me. I also believe that every situation is different, and every couple is different, and some of the things I've written had to be said. I'm done now, barring any other insanity. I get it. "Just doing it," and all that it entails will be the chore ahead.

I also know that I have to GAL, I have to let go of H for ME. I have to do this to become a better person, for me. I know I'm a pathetic 43 year old house wife----why would H want to be with me? Now, the lies, the betrayal the affair.............I'm sorry I don't deserve that, nobody does----and I'm done putting all the blame on myself. I've done that for 2 years, and look where that's gotten me. Nowhere, plus 30 pounds. I've thought a lot this week about why I would want him back after what he's done to me..............I am making progress. I do know what I have to do. I do know what I have to STOP doing.

I joined the Y for my birthday. I plan to go as often as possible when the kids go back to school Monday. I'm making my jewelry, I'm doing more with friends, I'm reading more.

What throws me back into that bad pattern is the battling over the number of minutes we each get to "have" OUR kids. I'm done with that too. I hate it. I hate the arrangement I've agreed to, but I'm done. In the end, they're the ones that get shorted, and THAT'S not fair.