WAH - tells me it's hopeless, I'm DEVESTATED

[sadincolorado]

Starbuck,

You have found a good place her...I can't even begin to tell you how much compassion and help I've had in my short time from people here.

I too had (keyword, had) a very volatile temper and I said and did very stupid things with arguing with my wife. I think one thing you can do to improve yourself in the short term is to figure out where this anger originates, if it's related to something in your past or what the root cause is. It takes a lot of self reflection and sometimes it's not comfortable to peel back the layers of yourself and see that there are some portions you really don't like. I did that and I didn't like what I was seeing, and that's probably what my wife was seeing. One book I would recommend for this is "When Anger Hurts Your relationship" and another I'm reading now is Why Can't you read my mind, but I've set this aside for now because I'm reading DR.

Self reflection helped me to realize the root of my anger, and also to think back on some of our more recent arguments. I am a very competetive person, and I think I always viewed a fight with the W as something I needed to win and she was the enemy. WRONG approach. I'd also recommend going to see a therapist to help with your anger and managing it better. I learning a lot on my own, but in talking with him he validated much of what I discovered about myself and also brought up some points I hadn't even considered.

It's good that you are here, that shows your desire to make yourself a better person and in doing so hopefully having the added benefit of saving your R and your M. Keep your head up!