Onward but not so Upward right now

[MichelleLT]

Yes, it is. But you'll get used to it!

(((Mishka)))

[mishka422]

I don't know if I want to get used to it. Seems like I'm just setting myself up for more misery in the future with no outlet for those feelings.

Oh well.......no one ever said life was good or fair.

[mishka422]

TGIF!!!! So ready to do something fun.

Our church praise band is in the final 10 for a contest one of the Christian radio stations has been having for a $10k sound system for the church and to be the opening band for Warren Barfield on Saturday night. The final is tonight and I'm taking my son and meeting up with a couple of girlfriends and their kids. Should be a blast!

Hoping to go to the concert tomorrow night too. My son will be with his dad tomorrow night. H didn't want him with him tonight for some reason but I am glad for that since I really wanted him to come to this concert with me anyway.

The flirting went ok last night. The object of the flirtation (I'll call him CG for cute guy for short) was unfortunately in a bad place last night due to problems with his ex and his custody. She's trying to pull the kids away from him on his weekends now because she says he's not home anyway. She's a major PITA! I feel awful for him. 4 of us sat at a table at our Thursday night hang out (Waffle House!) and tried to console him. It was rough. It really showed me a little more though just how much he is willing to sacrifice for his kids. Made me glad to know him.

Ok......gushing over.

[One Day]

((((mishka)))

Sounds like you had an interesting evening with caring and supportive friends. That's so great.

YAY for the concert today and tomorrow! Have a super-lot of fun!!

L. xx

[mishka422]

Feeling down and strange today. I wasn't going to bother posting on my thread but thought I needed to get it out before it pulls me down any further.

S13 is staying with STBXH and OW tonight. I was in tears this morning trying to pack his stuff and get him moving to actually do some things before we had to leave for karate. It sucked.

STBXH picked him up at karate and I gave my son the car keys to go get his bag while I finished up in the studio. When I walked outside H came up to me while S13 was waiting in his car and he playfully pushed my arm so I pushed his back. He then said, "Thank you for being nice." WTF????? I just said to him, "There's no point in being ugly." He thanked me again and then hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. There were so many things I wanted to say to him but all I could manage was to tell him that I returned the papers to my L and as soon as she had them adjusted she would contact him to come in and look them over.

It was the only thing I could say to keep control of my emotions. I got in the car and started crying immediately after that.

I've decided that I must be meant to be a loner. I'm not a loner by nature but apparently my "friends" can't be bothered with me. Even the single friends I have made have no desire to go do anything with me. I've been trying for 3 days to find someone to go to a local bar with me tonight to listen to a live band and have a brew but no one will go. I can't go there by myself so I guess I'm going to end up sitting on my couch feeling sorry for myself yet again and staring across the living room at my mother and her "you're so pathetic" face.

I truly do give up.....on everything. I make so much effort and it comes to nothing so why bother?

[karen43]

Oh, Mishka so sorry you are having a rough day. I'm glad you posted though!!! It's just hard dealing with the whole child thing and having to deal with your H and the whole OW issue. I know that stuff sucks, and the days I don't have to see him are my best and happiest days!!!

You aren't meant to be a loner. No one is!!! You may just have the wrong friends is all. I know most of my friends are just too busy with their Rs, Ms, kids, jobs, etc. I try not to take it personally.

Since I'm separated though I've made more friends, single ones without kids mostly who can do stuff. You just need to find more available friends too. Do you do karate, or sports, or any hobby or class yet? I met a bunch of friends doing that play last year and that's helped. I live in N. Florida, you don't have to live in South Georgia near Tallahassee do you? That would be too cool (but with my luck probably not where you live)! ((((Mishka))))

[JenInVen]

Hi Mishka

So sorry to hear about today. it's good to post here tho and get it all off your chest.

I was wondering about CG...why don't you ask him if he'd like to go to see the band tonight...is it too late now?

What groups do you belong to? Is there a Divorce group there you could attend and meet new people?

Hang in there! And I'm sure your Mother doesn't think you're pathetic!!!

[mishka422]

Thanks Jenn and Karen!

I have met a lot of new people but they all have kids and just can't be available. I have met them through my Divorce Care group - same place I met CG. They are really nice women and I would love to hang out with them but again, they have multiple kids and their schedules are a nightmare.

I couldn't contact CG even if I had the nerve to do it. I don't have a phone number for him. I couldn't ever do that anyway. Not appropriate since 1)I'm not D'd yet. 2)I'm still to raw and could not be one on one with any man unless he was family or an old friend. It is definitely too late anyway and I know he has his kids this weekend. They're only 6 and 3 years old so unlike my son who is 13, he has to be with them at all times.

I would love to get involved in an activity but my schedule is a mess. Between running my son to karate 2-3 times per week (which are in the evening), trying to get my new business running in my off time, attending bible study and my divorce group, and all the day to day stuff that has to be done there is just no time to get involved in an activity. Of course, the amount of time I spend here on the boards could be better spent getting other things done but my mental outlook would suffer.

I keep thinking that this is just excuses. I back up, go over the my schedule versus the classes offered by our rec department and I can't make it work. Maybe some day.

Right now, my biggest focus has to be trying to build my business. If I don't, we're going to end up on the streets sooner than later. You know, when you get paid one day and the very next day you are down to $20 for the next two weeks and your gas tank is empty, there are very few groceries, and you have to come up with money for equipment for your son, my Dr. appt on Monday, son's meds on Tuesday, and God only knows what else it really makes life seem impossible.

My mom actually paid for some groceries tonight. Anybody buying organs? That's about all I have to sell that would be worth anything to anyone.

[Kalni]

Staying home and regrouping is not a bad thing either you know... I think I have gone out....8 times in 10 months. No dates either (except a coffee date). I am facing the same issue. I have NO divorced friends, all my friends have kids and I am not into making new friends at the moment. So...? I watch movies at home, post here, go shopping,(window shopping, its killing me), read books etc etc... Slowly things will change...You need patience and to keep your confidence no matter what...
Love
K

[mishka422]

(((((((((Kalni))))))))))

Hey there sunshine! Are you back home yet?