H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[Dawn of Hope]

Just a quick (HA!) note--

VC, I will respond at greater length later, but for the moment, just wanted to say that your line regarding "bobbing it" made me laugh more than I had in a week, and I've been doing pretty well emotionally this week!

In other news...how's this for DBing? Here's the background: H left Monday, told me he would be back Friday. I got a bunch of work done and also did some fun stuff while he was gone, and felt good (a lot less stressed when he's gone!). Thursday a friend of mine came over and we made a super-decadent, very involved chocolate truffle cake (H LOVES chocolate, whereas I would never miss it if it disappeared from the face of the earth). The excuse my friend came up with for me to give H for why I would go to so much trouble for something I wouldn't eat myself (because I was nervous about being perceived as "pursuing"--bad DBing) was to tell him that she (friend) needed to do a test-run of something she was thinking about baking for someone special in her life (too long a story to go into here...but H would know *exactly* what I was talking about if I referred to it!).

So, Friday rolls around, and I have no idea when H plans to stroll in, but I have invited a few friends (all of whom know what's going on) over to swim and have dinner. We have a great time and are sitting around playing a game between dinner and dessert, and in walks H. None of these friends have seen H since I started talking to them (at great length) about the situation last fall, so it's a bit awkward, but they have all assured me they are okay with the possibility of having to see H (even though one of them has said he'd like to punch out my H for what he's doing to me!).

So everyone says hello and there is some brief chit-chat, and then we return our attention to our game and leave H to bring in his things. Keep in mind that this is normally a very "huggy" group, but this time nobody (including me) even gets out of their chairs to greet H, and he doesn't push the issue. So H brings in some of his stuff from the car, mentioning in passing that he was just coming from a bowling banquet (oho, that's why he was coming back Friday instead of waiting until Sunday night!), and then makes a call on his cell phone to--well, I don't know who, but someone he was expecting to see at the banquet, probably his brother. Goes into the backyard after a couple of minutes, still talking on his cell. Stays out there for maybe half an hour; we can't see or hear him, but he can see us, because it's dark outside but the shades are all open). We go on with our game, with only a couple of sentences about him exchanged when he's out of earshot, and we're having a blast. It occurred to me that I was laughing a lot and obviously having a good time, and in this case I wasn't modifying my behavior for his benefit--"fake it 'til you make it" finally shows results and stops being necessary!

Just as we finish the game and start setting up for dessert, H comes back in and I decide to reveal the magnificent creation my friend and I baked the night before (to which the universal reaction was, "Oh, my GOD!" Imagine four or five people all saying this in near-unison! Bunch of chocoholics, they are!)

The cake was a huge hit, although it was so rich that the normal-sized pieces that had been cut ended up being a challenge for people to finish--only two of the five people partaking were able to eat them all. Hey, this cake contained (among other things) *seven bars* of Ghirardelli chocolate, a pound of butter, 2-1/2 cups of powdered sugar, and most of a cup of whipping cream! Everyone (including H) gave it a big thumbs-up.

H actually sat at the table with the rest of us, and even though he's always been pretty sociable, even with people who are more my friends than his, this time he was mostly quiet. I paid no special attention to him, although I did wonder (briefly) every so often what he was thinking about the whole experience. Eventually all the guests packed up and headed out, H getting half a hug from one person instead of the full-blown hugs that I got from everyone, which he would normally have gotten too. One friend commented while we were chatting by her car (after H finally finished his puttering in the vicinity and went into the house, out of earshot) that H had really seemed kind of thrown by the whole experience...after all, the guests had all had time to get used to the idea that they might need to interact with him, but he had no idea they would be there until he saw the cars in the driveway (and probably didn't recognize the cars). I had tried to set up this gathering earlier in the week, when I knew he would still be gone, but it didn't work out schedule-wise so I had to take the chance of him being there for part of it.

H did not really talk to me after I went back in the house, and hasn't touched me since, but that's all pretty much normal these days--in fact, I really haven't seen any noteworthy changes in his behavior since he got back yesterday, although we haven't really spent that much time together. I'm just kinda going about my life and what I want to do without paying more attention to him than I really need to...although the sitch is always there in the back of my mind. And I reported to my friend who helped me bake the cake, and invited her and her H over to swim and help consume more of the cake tomorrow (H would probably die if he had to finish the whole thing alone, so I don't think he'll object--although he would die happy!).

So I'm making plans with these friends for a movie night, and some other fun stuff, and another friend has invited me (maybe H and me, not sure yet) to a BBQ, and I've got plenty to look forward to...

So what do you think of my DB efforts, long-winded though they may be?! I still think H has his head stuck someplace dark, but I'm trying to GAL and move forward with my life regardless of what he's doing. It hasn't stopped me thinking about it, but I'm doing better.

Peace,
Dawn