Help me Act AS IF, Part 7: The Separation

[newnamenewlife]

ack. Tomorrow H&I are meeting at a cafe to figure out the fall schedule for the kids and some other matters. I asked him if he'd do a few things around the house for me after and he said yes.

I'm feeling nervous about it. I've seen him many times since the S--when dropping off/picking up the girls, or at the mediator's. We haven't been alone together.I am inclined to be friendly and warm toward him at times, but (as I mentioned in above post), then I become overwhelmed with recalling some of his terribly hurtful actions and words and it makes me so furious and sad.

Today I was looking at some photos of us when D11 was a baby. We looked so happy most of the time. Made me SO sad.

I just don't know what I really feel or how to act--do I still love H, do I hate him, is he really a different person now, do I want to have an effect on him, do I care?