I think I am heading to first

[LolaL]

(((Yenk))) I am sorry to hear you had such a rough time. It is exhausting. I was posting today to Floyd that sometimes the emotional exhaustion takes such a toll that you just need to give your brain a rest.

If you feel that you need to not go over there tomorrow, then don't. What you have been through and are going through are both very traumatic experiences. Sometimes it is okay to say I have had enough, step back, and re evaluate the sitch. We all vacillate. It is a great mix between I want...I don't want. That is a normal part of the roller coaster.


Only you can decide when you can't take the hills and valleys anymore. If that time has come, you will know. But if there is any doubt in your mind, you are not ready, and sometimes you just need to take a step back. You have to take care of you during this time. It's not about giving up. Its just about saying okay I can't do this right now, I need a breath. I need what I need, and I am not going to ignore what I need.

Eventually you get your second wind, and if you listen to the voice in your head and, yes, heart, it won't steer you wrong.

[yenko69]

I do still have doubt in my mind and tears in my eyes. Guess I was not as detached as I thought. I think you are right I just need to step back for a couple days.

I will probably will skip tomorrow. She usually calls me everyday, but I did not figure she would today. And she did not. Probably have to see her Monday if she gets paid. But, I will make it as short as possible. I will have D11 so I think I will take her and go do something. Out to eat fishing whatever.

I was looking at some pics of her on the computer. Tough to make a decision with any certainty. I will still make it through this alright and pick myself up. Just not in the mood right now. I do hate self pity and feeling like a victim though.

[mishka422]

((((((((Yenk)))))))))))

I was just catching up on your sitch. I'm so sorry you are here but you are in the right place.

We'll all support you no matter what you decide to do. These horrible days will not always be. You'll find that you have days where you actually feel great all day and others that you feel you can't get through one more step. Those are the times you need to be here the most. Make sure you surround yourself with as many positive, supportive people as you can. That doesn't mean that you necessarily have to share your sitch with them, just have them around you.

[yenko69]

Thanks for stopping by and your support mishka.

The worst is over I think. About time to get up and move forward. I will probably still not go tomorrow and stay away and finish dealing with this. I can stay positive on the phone. I am pretty certain that I don't want to give up. I was looking at a pic of my W and found my determination. Still hurts, but it can still be worked out.

I do have more better days then bad. This was just a setback.

[mishka422]

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better yenko.

Probably best to not go tomorrow and spend the time regrouping.

I'll keep checking in on you to see how you're doing.

[Floyd101]

I think it's a good idea for you not to go tomorrow yenk. Take some time for yourself. I know exactly how you feel right now because I dealt with the same thing in my marriage when my XW was cheating on me. It was hard enough to know what was going on, but even harder when it was right in front of your face.

[LolaL]

Yenk glad you are feeling a bit better. What Mishka says is right, some days you will feel like the King of the World, and others you will feel like the amoeba that live on the pond scum. On those days, you could fill up an entire post (trust me, I have done it!!!)

On the days you feel down, post as much as you can. You will always find we are here to pick you up.

((((Yenk)))) Be good to you.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Talked with the W off and on today about various issues. I went out to the house to try and mess with the computer there. Could not get it fixed though. When I drove by I saw her car at OM's house.

Personally stuff like this just pushes me one step farther out the door. I am pretty sure I have to much self-esteem to play second best to anyone.

And yet, that's exactly what you've been doing for two months now.

Yenko, I stopped by because I see where you asked me to, but I'm afraid you're not going to like what I have to say. You'll find that I'm not much on the "((((hugs))))" and "I'm so sorry!"s that there are plenty of other posters who can offer that.

I haven't read all of your posts, but I've read about 25-30 of them. Unless I missed it, I'm not seeing where you've EVER confronted your wife about her affair, and about bringing the OM around your children? In fact, all I've seen is a lot of "pursuing" and "rescuing" behavior from you (ex.: texting or calling her saying "I"m sorry you're having a bad day," when the reason she's possibly having a bad day is because she just slept over at OM's house and is wracked with guilt!).

OK, that's the BAD news -- in my opinion, you've been doing it all wrong.

The GOOD news is, I think your marriage is VERY MUCH SAVEABLE. Your wife is obviously very concerned about you being with someone else -- she's brought it up several times. Rather than reassure her, when she asks what you did last nite, just say "Went out with some friends," and leave it at that. She left you, and she no longer has any right to know what's going on with you.

Yenko, you've already posted on several different forums. I suggest that you post on "Infidelity," because there are very different dynamics at play when there's another person involved in the marriage, and you can get some great advice and support there.

Please let me know if I've missed something, or am mistaken about your sitch. I've tried to catch up very quickly. I am truly sorry that you're hurting so much, and I DO know how it feels. I found out last summer that my then-47 year old wife, and mother of our four children, was having an affair with her 28 year old personal trainer. I literally couldn't breath, and even had a few panic attacks.

You can read more about my stich from following the link below.

Peace,

Puppy

[yenko69]

Another deputy I worked with today had to take a report across the street from W's house last night. She asked the neighbor whose truck was in the driveway and the neighbor said it was the guy my W is seeing. Guess he went to a wedding with her last night. Game over.

I agree more with you puppy. I have read some of your other posts and like your style. I have given it more thought this morning and I am moving on. If she comes back she does if not life goes on. I still would reconcile with her, I just need my self esteem and dignity back. She has pushed my boundries past what I find acceptable.

Time to pull away and let her live with her decisions. Still not sure if I am at the point of filing on her, so it is back to GAL without her in it.

As far as the kids both are step kids. I don't have any real right to say anything. I really don't talk to the older one, the younger one thinks of me as a dad. I will bring up my concerns though. I will also bring up the boundries and unacceptable behavior when the time is right.

For tonight I will just send her a text that something came up and can't make it and leave it at that.

I also agree now that I should link and move to infidelity later tonight or tomorrow. Although the people on this forum are great.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yenko,

There's nothing that says you still can't fight for your marriage. I just suggest you do it dramatically differently than what you have been.

Your feelings may still swing back towards your wife. Lovingly lay out your boundaries, and detach. The decision will then be hers.

Puppy