I'm sorry that you didn't get to meet up with him. You know one of the things that struck me by your conversation is something I used to do with my h all the time. I did this out of love and concern and the natural need to help him but he received as controlling and smothering him. You keep checking he is ok and openly worrying about him i.e asking what the doctor says about alcohol and his meds etc. My DBing coach pointed out to me that my h runs from me when I am like this, they feel pressured. Light concern is fine, or even compliments that he looks really well at the moment to boost him but I would really hold off on asking about his health. He is a big boy and will work it out himself and when he wants your help he will reach out. I understand exactly why you worry, the nature of his illness but there isn't anything you can do. You need to make him feel safe enough so that if he is feeling like he is getting to any kind of point that he knows he can call you without pressure, or call someone else if that is his choosing. Don't mother him, he doesn't need another mother he needs a friend and ultimately a gf. Also if he does open up to you, don't bring it up again unles he does. You implying that you are worried that he would do something is you basing your thoughts on things he has said (naturally) but he will be annoyed that you are drawing conclusions.
For me, when my h said he was ill the first few times when he left, I couldn't understand what wasn't appealing about just hanging out. After all that was what we did when we were together. It was hurtful and felt like rejection when he said he wanted to be on his own. I think it is because they don't want you to see them when they are vulnerable but most of all it is because we take up a lot of headspace. We see it as just a DVD, food and a chill out. They get see it more as guilt and other stuff which I haven't figured out yet. I suppose what I am trying to say is that they aren't comfortable in our company yet and we have to accept that. One of the goals is for them to feel comfortable enough in our company. Try not to take this weekend personally. He was just feeling shi*ty and couldn't cope - sometimes we get those feelings where we just want to crawl under the duvet, well I certainly do.
Personally I would just give him the space he has asked for, anything you do will be seen as pressure. Even a text asking how he is. Take this time to re-group and make yourself strong. What 180s can you do? I think it might be really helpful if you made a solution journal of a few interactions that have worked and see what you did right there because from what I have read you have had a few of those.
If you are done then you are done, but I wouldn't give up based on that interaction. He may be caving at the moment. Patience... (she says giving herself a huge dose of her own medicine )
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