You have every right to mad, angry, sad, upset, terrified, disappointed -- all those things and more.
Many posters above have sane advice. The only thing I can add is that remember that your H is the one with the confusion, the problem, the issues. Someone once said here that "Although I may be responsible for the STATE of the marriage, I'm not responsible for what's happening now." And that's truth. In my sitch, I clearly contributed my part to the problems, but my H? Well, he's the one giving up. Not me. He's the one with the issues he won't deal with. Not me. I'm working on my issues, my problems, making MY changes. He's the one giving up, or struggling, or not wanting to deal. So it's not about me.
It's hard to give up control of the R and the M. That is hard for me. It's hard to not let my H's moods, actions and reactions NOT dictate my happiness. It's a struggle every day. But I just keep telling myself -- I'm willing to work, to forgive, to love. HE HAS THE REAL PROBLEM RIGHT NOW.
I guess that's what "detaching" is. Do something for yourself today. Do something with your children. Spend a day in bed, feeling sad, if you have to. Remember that relationships with OW do not and will not last. The luster will fade. The newness will wear off. If your H doesn't deal with his issues, they will resurface with the OW.
You are a wonderful woman, devoted to marriage and family. That deserves kudos and praise. Pat yourself on the back for being a person with values and morals. Be strong. And try to find something fun to so this weekend!
M 39 H 34 D 6 M almost 8 years T 11 years Bomb: 6/5/08
