I just wanted to bring up the dialogue from the other thread to here. Hope that's ok.
You know, it isn't about what made you happy pre-H. Obviously, that was a long time ago. It is about what makes you happy NOW. OK, so your pat answer is "My H and my family make me happy." Sweetie, that just isn't enough. Can you imagine the pressure that puts on your H? He is responsible for YOUR happiness? No one could measure up to that.
I read thru this whole thread. Man, you have got to be still. The emails, the "demanding to talk" stuff...you are going to push him further and further away.
I know- I did the same stuff.
I ended up divorced. Finallly I was able to stop trying to fix things- I could stop second guessing my every move. I went back to school, I reconnected with friends. I stopped wearing my hair the way he liked it and found my own likes. This all seems counter-productive to building a relationship with him, right?
Nope.
Guess who I am going out with tonight?
The pressure is off him. He doesn't have to feel like a failure all the time because I am not happy. (He actually told me that I made him feel this way). I am happy on my own. I guess he finds this refreshing and exciting and just what he wanted.
And yes, this was my high school sweetheart, too. So, no, I didn't know what made me happy pre-H, either. Who cares? It wouldn't be the same now, anyway. I am just trying to show you that I can relate to this. I am not coming out of left field here.
In reading your thread, I was struck by one thought. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to make it any "softer," and I really don't want to hurt you, but I will just say it....
I would stay far away if I were your H, too. The guilt and pressure that you are throwing on him is out of control. I am not saying that he is right in what he is doing. He's not. But it is what it is (sorry, I really do hate that expression) and you are not going to change things with the tactics you are using.
Between your thread and Wifeys, I see so much of my old self. So, sorry if I come off harsh. I just hate that old me. I want to spare you the pain that comes with it.
You just sound so bitter and um, entitled. I used to be that way, too. Like I said, it got me a divorce. You can still find your way out of this. The best way is by letting your H figure out his own stuff without you telling him what he should be thinking about. Let him go. There are no magic words that will bring him back- so stop searching for a new way to say the same old things. You've said them all. Let him be.
