The Door That Never Closes!

[glamgirl]

Treese, sorry you are having it rough. The enemy is on attack. When I feel what you are going through I would immediately drop to the floor and ask God to help me at that very moment. Have God help you with the anger, hurt, hopelessness, whatever you are feeling at the moment.

Snodderly posted an awesome post about the lessons in this journey. Go back and review those. Snodderly you have such great advice. All the time I pick up so much from you. Thanks.

It's looks like a year or so your nightmare began. I can tell you that a year ago I was spewing at my h, angry, resentment, sick of it all, crying all the time, but I can say this past year has been much easier. What did I do differently?

I focused on my interactions with my h. If I had any chance with him, he would have to see the best glam not the worst glam. I stopped having any R talks. I stopped having any expectations of h. I stopped putting my focus on h, but on me and the kids.

I know this is so hard to do, trust me been there done that. I started being loving and kind to h. Trying to understand him as a broken man that is not whole or capable of loving me back at the moment. Sending him encouraging e-mails, but nothing overboard. For example, if he fixed the faucet I would say thank you that day and then the next day an e-mail like h I just wanted to say how much I appreciated you fixing the faucet yesterday and wanted you to know that. Hope your day is going good. Something like that.

What happened is the more I showed appreciation the more h helped. He even got to the point of asking ahead of time before he came over make a list of what work you want me to do.

What I am saying here Treese is that if what is not working change it up and do something else. I don't know how your interaction with your h was with the D, but I would have said something like; h I am sorry you feel that way. D was looking forward to spending more time with you. Then say nothing more and do not engage in any discussions that don't paint you in a positive light. Do not add fuel to the fire!

My h is NOT home, but boy he is so much closer this year than last. Our interactions for the most part are healthy. Very little R talk, but as they connect back you can have more deep convos and you say more of the tough stuff, but in a nice way. Not attacking.

What are your plans to change how you interact with h?