The Door That Never Closes!

[job]

Treese,
Part of the problem is that we didn't see it coming, the death of the marriage and there's not closure in any of this. It makes it very difficult to understand when one day, it's roses and candy and the next, I'm out of here, I don't love you any longer.

No, they honestly don't get pleasure from hurting us, but they always say that you hurt the ones that are closest to you. They lash out at us because they know we'll take it. They are truly lashing out at themselves and those who hurt them a long time ago. You don't have to stand there and take it....walk away, change the subject or just don't pick up the phone. Because he's put you in a tailspin again, it sounds like you are still very much holding on to his kite string. Loosen the hold a bit.

I know what I'm posting isn't helping, but we all have been there and some are still there. It's a process and one that each of us has to move at our own pace. You have to find your niche and that's when things won't be so painful when he says them. Him telling you he wants to be w/ow versus his daughter, tells me he's got a lot of guilt and doesn't want responsibility right now. That will change in time, but we don't know exactly when. The ow didn't steal your h, she may have helped him exit the marriage, but it could have been any woman out there and he would have snapped her up. When they are looking for a way out, they'll hook up w/the dragon lady, if necessary. Hating someone takes a lot of energy and your stress level is speaking volumes from your posting. At some point, you will need to learn how to forgive them for what they've done. I'm not saying to invite them over to play house or nice, but forgive them and move on.

There are several lessons to be learn from this journey. They are: 1) learning to be yourself once again, i.e., not relying on someone else for your happiness; 2) you have no control over him and what he says or does; 3) learning that patience and sitting quietly and still will help you in the long run; 4) learning not to talk about your situation to others, for they will always tell you to divorce the spouse that's walked; and 5) learning to rely on yourself and having the confidence that you can do this w/o his help. You can do this w/the help of the man upstairs.

You can't assume that he's telling her he loves her. You can't assume anything about the relationship at this time. All you can do is try to accept the fact that he's out of the house and on a mission to rediscover himself. You will need to find a way to help yourself and that may mean coming here more often and talking things out. Please do not talk to those in your world...they don't understand...they've not walked in your shoes.

I do hope that you are feeling better today. I'm very sorry to see you are stressed and down today.