The Door That Never Closes!

[Treese]

Hello All.....another thread locked.....

I haven't been on much lately....trying to get my head and my heart moving in the same direction....it's not working....every time I think I'm doing great and GAL....bam....my H does or says something that gets my goat and my mind is off to the races....

I mean really do they get pleasure from seeing us cry or hurting us....sometimes I think my H does....telling me he's going to spend time with OW, instead of coming to see his D who he hasn't seen since February.....WTF? I think his head is screwed on wrong....this is the man who would put his kids before everything....now it's all about him....

Thought I was moving forward pretty well but I'm NOT!!! I hate waking up alone....I hate attending things ALONE!....I want companionship....I want my H...I want my family.....but it's like it's at arms reach but I can't quite grab hold of it....What is the lesson I am to learn here? Did I do something so bad that I'm being punished? This is cruel....it's definately not healthy....we lose weight....we cry....we scream....we analyze....our minds are working overtime....really....is this just me.....am I really that crazy now that I can't turn it off...I can't find a counselor that understands that I want my family...my marriage....everyone thinks I'm nuts to want him back...so who do I talk to? My H is out there thinking he has found his happiness....his soulmate....and I'm sorry but I HATE HER....I HATE HER SO MUCH!! I know it's both of them....I know H had a part in it but she walked in to my home and stole my H...and he keeps telling me it has nothing to do with OW....how can one month I get the journey necklace & ILY's...hugs...kisses...great sex and the next.....He's not in love with me anymore....I JUST DON'T GET IT!! Why? Why don't I get it?? Everyone else here seems to get it? Why am I still crying? And why am I no better than I was a year ago? I actually think I cry harder....I don't have a lot of free time to do things...I have responsibilities while my H is rolling around in his greener grass....this Sucks!!!! Some days I want to just run away....but I can't .....I have children....who need me....who are going through lots of disappointments also....why in the world can't I get it through my head that my M is over....like my H says...."he's not kidding, move on"...with a little chuckle.....yep.....he had it all....and is he telling me that the OW is better for him? that she gives him more than I did....she's prettier.....better body.....WHAT???? I had his 3 children.....he's been living a double life for the past 8 years...

I seriously don't think I'm going to get through this and come out on the other side.....

and I'm soooooooo tired of everyone telling me to move on and forget about him....I can't do it.....I still love him like the day I married him.....and I don't understand why....and he knows I would let him come home if he wanted to....that I would love him no matter what....is he using that to his advantage...knowing that I would be here if his OW doesn't work out...but obviously they are and they have to be falling in love more and more every day.....the thought of him telling someone else that he loves her is heartbreaking.....

woooooo........sorry all.......I am just so down these past few days that it's really getting to me.....my meds must not be working.....

thanks for listening...