Dan, I think each of us sit in such limbo over this. Detach or not. I know Lisa's (OneDay's) DB coach said it's a long haul process, and so I shouldn't let myself get discouraged by the H coming close, then backing away again. I even predicted that I'd get the 2 or 3 week freeze out after the movie and his baby step where he was considerate etc.
Guess it's just annoying me more than usual today.
Oh well, I"m going to focus on the Labour Day weekend, meeting up with a pile of old friends and it's going to be a hoot. No H, no H bs, no H worries... don't care if it rains, snows or monsoons, I"m going camping (Yeah... I would rather sun/warmy fall day and no bugs though)
Abbey
Last edited by Abbey; 08/16/0811:59 AM.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
You sound better...well done for going off camping with friends, thats great! I think I remember you struggled a bit with seeing people a little while back, without him?
Yuo didnt post all the things that happened then, but you feel as though you got some baby steps from him, then he snapped shut again? Sounds like he isnt integrating the parasite too much though, which is hugely positive, I agree with you on the snooping, ok, so its frowned upon, but how else are you supposed to confirm it, if they wont tell you!?
Did yuo book any DB sessions then? I'll be reading those with interest!
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Ali... where's your latest thread? The link in your sig is a locked thread.
Yeah I didn't post too much because I kinda figured it was a pop up only... he was extremely friendly and even courteous and generous and thoughtful during the 2 times we saw each other. Offering to share food... buy extra candy so we can share etc, incase I changed my mind etc. Then he SLAMMED shut again. He had to drop something off here at my house (which I'm so so about... it's my sanctuary from him, if you know what I mean). Anyhoo... he got all huggy kissy with the critters, calling one of them "his boy" and how beautiful he was. (They're pure bred BIG cats). He was quite emotional with them and during the half hour or so he was here, his convo was chipper etc. There was a nice warm and tight hug good bye etc. I did a couple of extra "things" for him, got thank yous in email etc... then BANG. Slam! The last little "extra" thing I did was something really decent (work related) and not so much as a thank you that time. grrr.
Don't know where the parasite stands at the moment,.... I know he's out with different friends today. (Told me before he slammed shut that he wanted to go to this party etc etc... then gets chit chatty with me about his latest golf game and movies to buy on pay per view. *shrug*... indicating that he's home alone. ) We even shared some, "titt for tatt convos" ... and he did seem to indicate that he's alone, being doing activities that he used to do "by himself" before. (and someone reported back to me from the neighbourhood that he does spend time at home, alone)... so I dunno... maybe he's started to see the parasite for the useless drug twit she is. I know that doesn't necessarily mean he'll come running back to me... the MLC has him in teenager mode, so he'll be out running the streets for a while yet, I'd imagine.
I rather expected the slam shut. I don't call him. I let him do all the initiating. I dunno... I've got a few things up my sleeve but if those don't work, my next step is the db coach. And if not, I"m going to get through the rest of my courses and then go completely dark. End complete contact with him. He can by then get someone else to do the work I do for him. *shrug*
I feel anger setting in with me lately. We ALL just deserve to be treated better than this. They have NO bloody idea how much they've hurt us... and what's worse... they don't seem to even bother to care. Yeah... anger eh?
Abbey
Last edited by Abbey; 08/17/0812:59 AM.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Oh ... and I forgot about the camping... I'm so looking forward to this. I was really afraid to be around people that knew us as a couple...but this is away from the neighbourhood and I had a really great talk with the guitar player in the old band I used to play with yesterday.... (it's his camp ground/party)... He's been a real sweetie and gave me some great cheer up talk. Both times I've run into him, he's just been a real doll. He's been through this with his 2nd wife, and so he really knows where I"m coming from. Nice to feel "wanted" and included in the old gang. Camp fire, guitars out etc etc. I wanted to make sure I was in fact up for this, but I'm really looking forward to that weekend. I even went out and bought a sleeping bag today.
I've decided to keep bloody busy. Did 2 walks today. Hit a large bucket of golf balls. Vacuumed, did 3 loads of laundry, cleaned the critters go-huts ;)... went shopping and treated myself to a pizza that I didn't get yesterday.
One day at a time. Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Hey ABbey, thanks, I updated my sig, I hear what you're saying about the anger thing, I feel taht too now...especially as my ex has spent hours on the phone whingeing about how rubbish everything is for him, how crap his friends/Mum/brother are, how he has no money...you name it, I could top it, but he doesnt see it that way. The audicity of HIM to moan to ME right about how rubbish he feels. Try walking in my shoes.
I cant comprehend acting this way, I never have when a R has fallen apart. Sure you want to see them and get a hug off the ex, but you dont go whingeing about how rubbish you feel, especially if you left THEM. I assume your H doesnt moan though, although it sounds like he is trying to make out like he is all home alone-some. How does he expect you to respond to that !??
Thats great about the camping and real nice that another guy there has had a similiar experience and can really empathise with you. At least you dont have to paint a smile on and pretend like you're doing ok, if there are poeple around you who know how hard a journey it is.
I cleaned my house today and did 3 loads of washing too! Must have been a Piscean clear out day...
Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
These folks have been really good to me. And it's funny because the H felt that these people wouldn't be my friends if it wasn't because of the family we were "in". Strange eh? The people who he thought were users have washed their hands of him (and his family) to support me. Hardly "users" I'd say.
From things I've been told... people are polite (which I've asked of them to do)... but nobody condones the way he treated me... and hoisted me out like garbage.
Strange, he phoned again tonight, made some excuse about dropping off some mail. I wasn't here to answer the call. Don't really know what to make of it. I was to wack more golf balls actually. Maybe he expected me to be home... I dunno. I mean I think on some level he remembers that I said I didn't wish to see him. So just leaving a message that he's passing by my house... seemed strange. What if I was having a BBQ with friends? Or have a BF or something? (not that I do)... but to just say he was impromptu dropping off stuff... did he think I might be home (which often I don't get to the phone on time... and we'd play that dance again where he'd ask me... You eaten etc?) It was earlier this time too. 5:15pm. I dunno. Maybe he just wanted to see the critters and not me. I don't even begin to understand the man anymore. He's not MY "h". He's some f'g stranger that aliens have captured and slurpted out his brain.
I really don't know how he expects me to respond to the home alone thing. At this point, he doesn't want me. Doesn't know what the hell he wants, probably. I've reverted to... when in doubt... do/say nothing.
And yeah... the moaning thing. I got that about how hard it is to keep the gardens etc. I got the same whinging about all kinds of things about money etc. Booh f'g hoo. I didn't ask for this break up. And like you... I'd like him and yours to walk in our shoes. *grr*
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
I'm "done". Events this weekend have put me into complete dark mode. H's relationship with the parasite has escalated,... he bought her a brand new SUV for god sakes.
It's about me now. I've headed over to MLC, because that's what he's in. He may come out of it, he may not. I've essentially gone into self protection mode. Our family members agree with my choice to go dark on him and just let him self destruct. (and they predict he will). It's about reading what I might expect, and how to handle keeping him at arms length for my own self preservation.
I still have some email things I need to do for the next few months, and it'll keep things friendly, however the lies and deceit and what he willingly did to me and my mental health disgust me and have left me battered.
Abbey - turning the page.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
(((Abbey))) I am so sorry you are going through this. I pray that you will find some peace.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
(Yeah... I would rather sun/warmy fall day and no bugs though)