Have O/W home # and I want to call

[brandnewday]

Are you IRMAT or IRMAC?

You are basing things on assumptions, you assume too much.
You think you know what your Husband thinks.
You think you know what OW thinks.

All you need to be thinking about is yourself and your own actions.

I asked you to make a list of the things that need to change in your life.

Your goals.

Your character issues that need to be tweaked.

Being still......sit on your hands, duct tape your mouth and think about something other then your Husband.

Begin by reading something edifying, perhaps the Bible or The Power of A Praying Wife or even DivorceBusting.

You came her to bust your Divorce.

It is time for some action.

[MidwesternGirl]

You are giving in to what the enemy wants.

Stop, take a deep breath, and by all means pray.

And PLEASE do not call ow. This will get you no brownie points with your H and if anything, it pushes him further away from you and closer to her.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

You attack the OW and you lose.

Simple.

You attack the OW and you lose.

verbally or physically and you lose.

[sleeper]

Ditto.

I have OM's phone number, know where he lives, and at one point was in a very good position to mess him up at work. I've never been mean to OM but a couple of months ago I was gently scolded by X for not being "more friendly" to him (wtf?).

Attack OP in any way and it comes back on you.

It's like you're the superhero, OP is the supervillian and your spouse is the victim (work with me on the spouse being the victim part). OP's super power is some sort of reverse polarity sh*t that makes anything you throw their way come back on you twice as strong, hurting you instead of them. You'll have to discover your own super power. Trust me on this. You have one. Find it.

[I'mstillhopeful]

I was tempted to telephone my H's OW and ask her if she would like to leave her husband and children for a married man who turned his back on a 25 year marriage. I even asked a Psychologist if that would be a wise thing to do. He told me that I should call her, but that I would have to live with any repercussions.

I didn't contact her, I'm glad I didn't. It would have made H and OW closer, encouraging them to join together to battle the forces which might stand in the way of their happiness. I don't know whether they still are together but H is beginning to show a bit of curiousity and interest in me. I doubt that would have been possible if OW had gone to him for comfort after I had confronted her with the truth.

Should they still be planning a life together I must try very hard not to tell H that I wish them both all the happiness that they deserve. (Snark)

[Creed]

As someone else said, you're assuming you know what H/OW think and feel. You assume that they have something great and soulful going.

This is what I believe. God will NEVER bless a relationship that was birthed by adultery.

So even if they have their own little Love Boat going right now, it will sink in time.

I'm sure you realize that all of us have made some contribution to the breakdown of our relationships. That's a given. The point is, we have (I'm assuming) all asked God for foregiveness and repented of those sins. And each and everyday, we have to learn to keep trying to stay on that narrow path that He wants us to stay on. We all are sinners. But through this crisis, we are able to start seeing ourselves differently than before, which gives us an opportunity to improve ourselves.

Your H is NOT improving himself. He is still in the same muck that he got himself into before. This is why you continue to pray. I truly believe that the WAS DO hear that little voice in their heads/hearts each day. What they choose to do about it...listen or play deaf..is not anything we can change. But we can pray.

As far as the 'loving' feelings coming back between H/OW. I think that's called lust/selfishness. They give each other 'permission' to not give a damn about what they're doing. They DO know it's not right, but neither of them is going to tell the other that, right? What better person to be around if you want to do wrong than another person that hopes you do wrong if it benefits them somehow.

It is a SICK relationship, not a loving , healthy one.

Only you know if you want this marriage restored or not, or if you can give it the faith, time and unconditional love it would take to happen. Because it won't happen on your timeline.

As far as her calling when your daughter is there. Don't you think that could be showing a great weakness on her part? Insecurity? Doesn't want him to be only connected to his daughter without ever thinking of her while doing so? Plus, I'm sure she knows that you don't want her calling when H and your daughter are together. Again...her actions are probably intentional. Don't play into the game she wants you too.

Now...as far as not enough sex as a reason (excuse). Do you REALLY think that all of us were under-sexed??? I doubt that very much. But it sure seems like that is the first complaint WASs use when they try to excuse their infidelity, isn't it?

Please accept what responsibility is yours, but don't take responsibility for the mistakes he's made. They make the choice between working on marriage problems or going outside the marriage. That is NOT your burden of guilt to carry.

Just try to remember that this relationship, however long it continues, will not be blessed. Don't assume happiness on their part. More than likely, they're both feeling negative things about each other that neither are expressing. Give it time to die on it's own. It surely will in time. What you do with your own life will make all the difference in your own happiness.

[MidwesternGirl]

"This is what I believe. God will NEVER bless a relationship that was birthed by adultery."

So very true.

[happynow]

IRMAT,

Be thankful your H hasn't moved 900 miles away with her. My H did, our D final on April 8th 2008, he married OW July 20th, 2008. She lives in another state, he quit an excellent job & moved. Only met her 2 months before he told me he wanted D & he emailed & phoned her those 2 months.

I'm still praying for him. I just found out about the M last week & I'm still devastated.

You hang in there! Keep praying!!!

(((HUGS)))

[IRMAT]

BND and those who have responded...thank you all so much for being there and telling me things I need to hear... BND here are my goals and I am the same Irmac and Irmat could not log in oneday at work so had to make a new ...sorry.
Goal#1 : Stop calling him

Goal#2 : Go to Dr. to get new meds,obviously mine are not working

Goal#3 : Try to not hate my husband while on this journey

Goal#4 : Ask God for strength because I am weak

Goal#5 : Give my daughter all the love she needs and be there for her instead of her being there for me.

Goal#6 :stop thinking about what they are doing and planning together

Goal#7 :keep walking close to the Lord and keep my eyes on him and off of my husband.

Goal#8 : Keep coming here for support and to vent whenever I feel the need.

I am sure I could think of lots more goals but for starters this will be more than enough at this time for me

Love ya'll and God bless...

[brandnewday]

Good Morning......

How are you doing today?

Have you gone to the Doctor yet?

How are your goals coming alone?

((((hugs)))