Well, I believe in cosmic connections--I'm glad I checked in when I did.
Yes, I think it is VERY possible that what is happening is a lot less dire than you may think.
Our minds go to the worst place. We have been hurt and it is hard to trust again so it is only natural that we go immediately to the "he is cheating again" place. But I think it is important to try to fight that right now.
Instead of looking at what seems like hard evidence (the phone calls), look at his behavior. Has he been sneaky, quiet, cagey, coming home late, using the computer more, less intimate, etc? You know the signs of an affair--do you see them? Or is the only thing the phone calls? I would think that if it is only the phone calls raising your suspicion, then it is a very strong possibility that she is trying to rope him back in. Perhaps she wants his council--claiming problems with her marriage again or other "woe is me" sob stories. He may be trying to be the "nice" guy and may even feel somewhat obligated to help her. Cops--you know they have a weak spot for the damsel in distress syndrome.
If it is just her trying to rope him back in and him trying to be nice and deal with her in his own way, he probably doesn't want to tell you because he knows it will make a lot of waves and set your progress back a ton. Did you two ever see a counselor after the affair? I think it's important to have a third party to help people through post affair stuff so that it is not YOU telling him no contact but rather a therapist or advisor of some sort. He may be reluctant to take "orders" from you but from a clergyman or therapist it might be more palatable.
So my dear, what you must remember is that you are the prize and she is the skanky ho who prays on married men. You are the one who won back his heart and as proof he is telling you that it is all about you right now. He is suggesting a get away--DO IT!!! He is trying, in his own way to tell you that no matter what is going on with ow right now, you are the one he wants to be with.
Give him the benefit of the doubt. Let the ow cook her own goose--she probably will. By pestering him she will drive him away but if you confront him, who knows, you may drive him to her. I'd also recommend you be nice to him--don't pull away too much or be too cold to him--try to read his body language and see if affection brings him closer. Don't be overly nice to him or anything, but don't pull away too much either--remember to look and smell good at all times--that never hurts!
Heck woman, I don't know how a man's mind works, let alone your husband's mind, but you have come so far and I think you need to be smart about how you play this.
Stay alert of course, and if things seem hinky, trust your gut, but things are not always as they appear so don't let yourself become jaded or paranoid. I still think it is wisest to keep the upper hand by not revealing that you snooped. It may undermine much of what you have managed to accomplish over the last year. Also, keep S out of it as much as possible.
As for me...yes, I probably need to update my thread. I don't post much but I like to check on old friends from time to time. Life is good for the most part. I really did love Mitch so much and it still pains me that it's all over. I try to imagine a future some day with a man in it who loves me and my kids to pieces but it seems a little like a fairy tale right now--I'm not willing to settle so I may be in for a long wait.
I'm loving up my children and focusing on them. I'm scuba diving often and making art. I'm considering moving to the Pacific Northwest (just got back from the Olympic peninsula) and I'm keeping a cordial relationship with the ex (been D'd since December).
Take care and keep us updated on how things develop. I really hope it is nothing and that he is being truthful about how he feels about you and your future together.
