I'm not sure why he wants me to stand trail for the marriage.
I don't think that's what being tried.
I suspect it your claim of Christianity that is standing trial, Phil.
You certainly won't be the first. Or the last.
It is a process of painful purging - of all the filth He sees in one who belongs to Him - You're stepping into BND's often mentioned "Refiner's Fire". She told you, Phil. But you are not a good listener.
I don't know why one person seems to get to take the easy route (if the path of ANY believer can even be called that these days) as a believer and some seem to take much harder routes. I suspect it has to do with the level of resistance of our own human nature. Literally, the battle that rages within between our flesh and the Holy Spirit. I think that's why some of us have such a hard time. Our upbringing so influences our attitudes - and your familial history is indicative of this being the case with you as well - and our overall thought processes that some of us grow up a walking train wreck. If we are one whose heart is truly and deeply set on God, He is going to change those things about us. He has to - so we can do His will. Our absolute biggest stumbling block I think, is our resistance to complete and total submission.
And that Phil, is your calling.
Submission.
You're no martyr.
But I think you do believe in Him in your heart of hearts.
And the enemy doesn't want that old human nature of yours to ever let go - because once it does, he will never have you again. And make no mistake Phil, he's got a real good grip on you right now. It shows in your words, your attitudes and most of all, in the sense of superiority that you emit, willingly or not.
At least one of your issues is pride.
HOWEVER - beginning threads of humility are also taking shape in you lately.
If it were not so you would not have come back here.
So the question we are left with reminds of my favorite story regarding human nature. It's about two wolves and I've posted it a dozen times if I've posted it once, but I will post it again and hope you have ears to hear...
An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life . .
He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil---he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.
The other is good ---he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.
This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."
They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?"
