i am so anxious this week.... i have had 2 annoying interactions... one with a bank teller who was so rude i was in shock... she told me to never come to her window again- i swear i knwo everyone else at the bank and they are all nice...my family co has a huge acct at this bank so i felt inclined to tell the manager...i never complain bc i dont want to cause a fuss but that was BS...then today i get a rude email from a place im taking classes where i asked for a partial refund..they said as an adult you should know when you can and cant make a class...etc. i just thought it was such a rude way of stating things. i feel like i am getting lessons right now on patience and calming myself.
my heart is beating so hard right now bc im pissed, mad, sad, etc
here is how i handled it:
i calmly told our private banker this incident over email and she was very recptive and nice. i complimented all the other telers.
and
i emailed the place im taking classes and stated my needs again. i almost wrote a rude email.
so i handled this way better than in the past where i would knee jerk react...
UGH- ife is a b!tch sometimes!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
ok- so i have had a good weekend so far...met with girlfriends, ran some errands...talked to H yesterday and i will see him tomorrow...there is a lingering feeling inside me and its excitement and wanting my H back with me NOW...
i know i have to be patient- but he gave me so much to think about..in terms of my job, where we live, moving, etc.
so today i also spent a good hour writing in my journal about all that- the pros and cons of it all.
i realize we have to move away from my family and i probably should leave my job with my family.
so that is major and now i have to sit still and see what he wants to do.
i want him to tell me what he wants...he got close to that the other day..so i will just wait...it also seems crazy to change everything bc he hasnt even committed back to me yet.
i am in grad school and i love it and dont want to leave it so thats another piece of this.
i feel excited and determined but also scared of this change. im ready to tackle it and just let go of all the "what ifs" regarding leaving my family and job. its all very connected and i am financially tied in as well with them. that is the most confusing part of this. what would i do instead?
so its good...but i just have to wait more.
any ideas on panning my life? ha ha ha
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Sorry to hear about those annoying tellers...the ones here can't even crack a smile or say thank you so I can imagine what it was like for you.
In terms of what to do? Have you thought about changing your job without your H asking you to? I mean, you said yourself its difficult to work for them so if your H saw you making the change without his little push he might value it even more. I understand that you're tied financially there but there must be someway to work around that.
Congrats on Grad School! And no don't leave it! Is there a way to find a new job that would accomadate your University?
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Wow, every time I read your posts there is more and more progress. I am so happy for you.
Sounds like you have some hard decisions ahead of you. How much longer do you have in grad school? Are you doing a Masters or a PhD? I just ask because I know that some courses are more flexible than otehrs in terms of needing to actually be at the university, particularly if you are working on research. Is there a way to move and change jobs but still be able to make school work?
If it were me, I probably wouldn't change jobs until H commits as that is a massive leap of faith to make, UNLESS you actually want to change jobs anyway, and if you would be doing this with or without H. Maybe the first step (which you've probably already done) is looking into different options, i.e. different jobs. When you next talk with H about this, maybe (if it's not too much pressure) there could be some kind of agreed timeline around you changing jobs that could be part of this process? I assume it is going to take a good deal of time and effort to make that kind of change, and I assume that your H would understand that.
Please post after your next meeting with H!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I would just be wary about giving anything up that is so important while you are still at this stage. You thread is so encouraging. I used you as a model a lot yesterday with my attitude to my h.
Thank you for your insightful posts both here and on my thread, it really means a lot.
Jen and ITH- thanks for your input....i saw H for a few last night at a nice local hotel with a cute bar area that had a warm fireplace...so we just sat by that and talked for a little...i invited him out just for a little- he responded right away and said good idea...
so fari think i have mostly invited him places and he has said yes 95% of the time. so it seems as though i am the inviter and he accepts...interesting..my coach said him saying yes is part of the friend stage and its ok if i always initiate...
mostly non R stuff..but i did bring up a little about the moving away from my family part and really reiterated what he said the other day..i said i have really been thinking about what you said and i really agree...bc the other day i agreed but was a bit wishy washy...he listened to what i had to say and agreed with me...so that was good..
then we walked on the waterfront and it was beautiful and foggy- no more R talk...i could tell he wanted to bring up his "i dont know" what to do type of talk but i didnt feed into it...then we went to his apt for a few minutes- i put my head in his lap- h put his head on mine after...then i said i had to go bc i was meeting a girlfriend today for a walk....he said thanks or the booty call- it was kinda funny bc i took of my boots at his place and had boots in my hand- so i smirked and gave him a look- like yea right- you've seen nothing yet with a booty call! no nookie up to this point FYI.
so i plan on seeing him today again
i also aid we could look at an area that he brought up to move to today- he said maybe- im not sure....so ill let him take the lead.
as for my job- i cant really leave until we decide everything bc it is a very complicated issue with our finances tied in to my family and the house too....
but i realize i have made it more complicated than it has to be..so once he gives me the "green light" ill be looking around.
as for grad school- its a masters degree (in counseling psychology! thats where i learned of michelle weiner-davis' name) so i can get most of my courses done and then i have tons of field work hours which i can do any where....so thats good...
so there we are for now- trying to slow myself down but also really look at my life in all aspects..now is the time to change.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Julia- you are so sweet and i get a lot from your posts as well bc i see how much progress you have made and how hard you work at this. you have a hard circumstance and are doing really well!
i wont give up my grad school- ive decided thats not good for me or my H. its too important. i can give up a lot but thats my past behavior is to bend over and do whatever and it still isnt enough.
thank you for keeping me tough!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Hey P...more great positives. When you see him today let him bring up any serious topics ok? If you can keep it light and fun all the better. Sometimes light heartness can do so much for a sitch (wow I need to take my own advice).
I didn't realize how tied everything was to your family. I just think that an option is to look into finding another job but of course with the family sitch you'd need to take it very slow.
Let us know how it goes today
Good luck and lots of positive vibes!
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
as for grad school- its a masters degree (in counseling psychology! thats where i learned of michelle weiner-davis' name) so i can get most of my courses done and then i have tons of field work hours which i can do any where....so thats good...
That is great Pisces, can you get credit for your work here!.....lol
At the very least you will have some real life experiences in which to draw from.....there is no substitute for that
Glad you had a good day with H
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
