Im done.

[bluerain]

Wow, now he doesnt want to sign the papers until the spring. He says he will keep paying the mortgage, and my car insurance, and it will be good for me because I will still have health insurance.

You know, he is making even less sense than when he was in the throes of the affair. I have just decided what I need to do for me to help myself recover from this and move on and he keeps setting me back! I have started dating someone and I am having a great time with him, and H knows that!

I dont understand why he is putting this off, getting this divorce and both of us moving on seems more improtant than him getting money and continuing to pay the mortgage for me.

We took our dog to the vet today, she has arthritis all down her spine, and during the visit the vet asked is the dog was staying in Ak with me or going to Va with H (He leaves week after next). H didnt tell her what was going on, that he was going to Va AND we were divorcing.

I havent asked him anything about reconciliation or our relationship since I first asked him, when I took the papers to the mediator, so I assume that we are still on track for this. He said that its what he wants, and now its not?! WTF???

I am seriously done letting him f**k with my head. I dont even know what to do next, but I am looking forward to him transferring to Va for 8 months so I can have a break from all this drama. Two days ago I was the first person on the scene of a fatal motorcycle wreck, I called H and told him and he was pretty supportive, I dont even know why he was the person I called, just habit I guess. But now he is offering me all this crisis counseling and keeps offering to talk to me about it, it really almost is making me resentful of him, he never cared this much before, is this just out of guilt? Maybe if he hadnt stuck it in some 22 year old bar fly, he could be there for me for real!!! I just cant take it anymore! Its too much, and I cant handle this crap, or maybe Im just not willing to deal with it, I dont know anymore. For 7 months he has been extraordinarily cruel and he has been shoving the fact that he was leaving in my face, and now this, and my dog is sick. Cant one of these things just go away? (preferably the bipolar H!)

I dont want to say "Why me?!" but really, WHY ME?! What did I do to deserve this? I was a good wife, and a hardworker, I really tried to be a good person, I dont understand why I am being, well, really, it feels like Im being punished! I am thankful for the biker, it was important that he didnt die alone, and I am grateful that I could be there for him, but the rest of it just frustrates me.