One thing I think you might want to do (or not) but it has worked for me, is to maybe agree with your W sometimes when she actually says something you can agree with.
Karen, my not saying anything in direct contradiction to her insane assumptions is about the best I seem to be able to muster. Part of me is terrified that the DB way of "going along" with what the WAS says and agreeing with them will be seen by my particular WAS as granting her license to proceed with more insanity. Give W an inch and she takes a mile.
More importantly though, she is going to find some way to do what she wants no matter what. And if that means she has to paint me as the villain to justify in her mind her treacherous behaviors, then there's really nothing I can say -- pro or con -- that will dissuade her.
Besides, I have to be honest with myself here too. On some things I might be able to either agree with her or, if not, at least be able avoid standing counter to her. But when the suppositions entail me agreeing that I am the total bad guy here and she's the innocent victim, I can't bring myself to do so. It sticks in my craw. The important point in this latest exchange is that she is saying I am the one who is costing the both of us and our children so much in money, time and resources because I refuse to go along with being railroaded by her and her obviously-biased mediator. It's like she's saying, "Shame on you, NCB, for not rolling over and dieing like you were supposed to do. Look at how that is robbing our poor innocent boys of what they could have had. How dare you defend yourself!" All the while shedding her crocodile tears.
I think the saddest thing is that she, in her twisted little mind, really believes, at least partly, this warped reality she presents. And I am doubly the bad guy simply because I just won't drink her d*mned kool-aid.
Hey, BND, On that note, I think W has developed a psychosis that is veritably DB-proof.
So if I give into her side of things, what would that really buy me? What kind of person would I be? How attractive a spouse would that really be? And even so, for how long would it last?
Her utter contempt and lack of respect for me as a human being, let alone as a husband or friend, is at the root of how she can remain so unchanged by anything I say or do, pro or con, DB or not.
DB asks us to wait out this insanity under the assumption it is temporary and the WAS will come to their senses. I am really beginning to fear that I might have gotten this all wrong from the start, that my W has regressed to what may be her "natural" state. I had supposed all these many years that her image as a Godly, honest, kind and responsible woman was her real character, and that her behavior now is an aberration. But maybe that "Polly Purebread" perception was all just a persona she took on when we began our R -- and the "alien" is her real character after all.
I'm still mulling it over and over in my mind. Maybe I am just trying to rationalize what cannot be rationalized or truly comprehended. But given the fact that my IC (who had attempted to be our MC in the beginning) asked me to read the book of Hosea and given all the conversations that we've had since that echo that passage, tells me that even he has been trying to get me to face the harsh reality about W.
Yes, Tal, my W is indeed some piece of work -- and one far worse than I had wanted to admit.
Thanks to all of you for listening to me as I try to work through this.
