Hey Hopeful! I'm glad that I inspire you, although I don't think I'm all that calm and I really don't do the no contact thing very well. I was able to maintain it for a few days, and to be honest, those days were hard, but that kind of spurred her to start contacting me more. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It's probably confused me more than anything.
Let me see if I can summarize the past few days. It might be kind of long.
Ok, so after our convo on Wednesday, I was feeling kinda silly. So I sent her the lyrics to the first part of "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd. One of my favorite PF songs and because of me, she started listening to it too. She asked me what I was doing. I replied, "LOL, I'm singing!" Then I sent her the next part. She asked if I was alone in my office. I said no, but I'm putting on a show for everybody. Then I sent her the last part. She told me I was such a dork. I said, I know, but it made you smile, didn't it? She said yes, and then told me she was picturing me singing that in my office and thinking about the stapeler fairy (that is referring to our first encounter when she got back and we ML in my office, because I couldn't find my stapeler and I found it between a chest and table two days later. It had gotten pushed off while she was there.) So anyway, I told her thanks for bringing that up because now it was stuck in my head. That was kind of the end of that.
I recieved a text from her later that evening that was kind of random. She's always listening to music, and has always told me when a song reminds her of me, or us...and she did that through a text. It might have been because I had sent her the song earlier. This time, it was the song "Let Her Cry" by Hootie and The Blowfish. I told her I had heard it, but didn't know the lyrics and would look them up later... She said that the part about how she only tells him about what she has done and how she feels when she's had too much to drink is part that reminds her of us. I'm like..Ok... We kind of chatted off and on just about random stuff throughout the evening.
It's vague how it started, but she brought up something sexual, and I remember saying that I got a kick out of her telling me that she still thinks about me when she (takes things into her own hands). (is this TMI?) She replied by asking me if I thought of her. I told her that I did because she was good. She asked if that was the only reason because if it was, it made her feel like a prostitute. I told her no, but she doesn't want me to tell her it's nice for all the reasons. She said, I was right and I shouldn't tell her. I asked her if that was the only reason for her, because this works both ways. She said that she wouldn't let herself have other reasons. I told her I didn't think she was being 100% honest because that was something you just can't stop yourself from doing. She said that it did make her feel that way, and that was why it was so bad, because she wasn't supposed to feel that way. We chatted a little bit more and my phone started dying. I told her I would text her when I went to bed where I could have my phone on the charger if she wanted to chat. She said ok and that was that.
When I went to bed, I sent her a text asking if she was in bed yet. She said she was and asked what i was doing. I told her I was in bed and then I told her to tell me something that I have done, or do, that makes her feel special. I had kind of been thinking about this since earlier because our convo earlier wasn't as friendly and upbeat, so I wanted to get her thinking about good stuff. So she asked me when I was referring to. I told her anytime that I did something to make her feel special. She told me that when she was busy doing something, I used to come up behind her and put my arms around her waist and kiss her neck. (I used to do it when she had her hands in something that she couldn't stop me, like doing dishes, or cleaning or something). I told her that I always tried to make her feel special and asked her if there was any other times. She told me that when I sent her the stars at camp, it made her feel special.
(not sure if I posted about this before, not an original idea, but I made a card out of yellow construction paper wrote on it, "If I could hold a star for each reason I miss you, I would have the entire night sky in my hands. Here are 101 reasons why I miss you!" Then I cut out 101 little stars about 2 inches big and wrote a reason I missed her on each one. This was all before her new guy came along.)
So anyway, I replied that I felt special when she would buy me stuff randomly because I knew she was thinking about me when she was out. She replied that she liked doing that. Then I told her that I liked it when she held my arm while we walked, such as grocery shopping, or anywhere. She asked me if there were any more times. I asked her if she was enjoying it. She said yes, that she was and that she was getting in the mood. So our convo went sexual from that point and it lasted until 3 am. So I asked her at that point what had gotten her in the mood. I don't remember her response, but I think she told me she didn't know for sure. I said that I wondered if it was somehting I had done. She said yes and no... that just the thought of me sexually turns her on. She told me that she would be alone at home during the day if I had some free time. So we chatted for a short while longer before we decided that we needed to get to sleep... and she told me to call her tomorrow. (Thursday, I had asked her about doing something because it would probably be our last chance before her surgery, etc.) I told her I would be in town after lunch. She said to just get ahold of her.
So Thursday morning, I'm so tired, I was dragging along while trying to get my boys ready for school and get myself ready for work. I headed into the office and did some reports that I had to do, and then headed to my lunch meeting. On the way there, I called her, but got no answer. While I was leaving a message, she sent me a text saying that she wasn't alone yet. I replied that I was just letting her know that I was heading to my meeting and would let her know when I got done. During my meeting, I recieved a text from her that said she was getting in the shower, and would be all soapy and wet.
I left the meeting and that was when I noticed her text. So I sent her a text letting her know I was done and asked her if she wanted to do something. She asked what. I told her I could stop by and visit her for a while, or we could do something, it didn't matter to me. She said to stop by and visit. So I did.
I got there and she was still putting on some makeup. So I walked up behind her and put my arms around her and kissed her neck. She kind of squeezed herself into me. She told me it made her nervous having me there because her neighbors were so nosy and her parents (who are staying with her right now) were telling them about her new man. We talked for a while, and ended up ML again.
She got kind of ansy afterwards and told me I shouldn't stay long because she was nervous about me being there. She told me it was good, but it was bad because she was in a relationship...a pretty serious relationship. She expressed to me again that she was really worried about not being able to have a good sex life anymore.
Later that evening, I came home and took a nap on the couch. A long one. I woke up and had a text message from her asking if I was around. It was two hours later that I replied. I told her I had fallen asleep and just woke up and I asked her what she was up to. She told me nevermind. I asked her what was on her mind. She started up some idle chit chat. I went to bed and talked with her for a few minutes and I fell asleep again.
I woke up and she had sent me a text that I didn't get bcause I fell asleep. I sent her a text telling her I was sorry about falling asleep, but I was exhausted for some reason. She replied a little later that I shouldn't be staying up so late. She continued to chat a little bit more and told me she was getting ready to head out of town. I asked her what her plans were. She told me she is going to meet her new guy and then go to meet his dad on Saturday, and then they were heading to her sisters on Sunday for her neices b-day party. That was about the end of it.
This post is a mile long. It's mainly just mapping out the days occurances. I'll post kind of how I'm doing in another post later.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
