When are you going to step off the merry go round?? He bites, you bite back. He bites again, you bite back again and over and over and over. It’s a vicious cycle unless one of you says, “ENOUGH” and steps off. Somebody has to make the first move to back away from the crazy dynamic and you can dang sure bet it’s not going to be him.
Stepping back does not mean being a doormat. If you guys can’t agree on child scheduling then get a lawyer or a mediator involved to help. Don’t tell him you’ll agree to “anything he says” . He may just come one day and say he’s taking the kids and YOU get to see them every other weekend while he has them full time. (not likely, but NEVER say you’ll agree to whatever they say, that could seriously bite you in the butt) – then what will you do?? You’ve already told him you’ll agree to whatever he wants.
You can be nice, but firm at the same time. You can compromise with him on the kids and do what is best for THEM without being a b!tch. It takes detachment. Removing your emotional reactions from the situation. Stepping back, taking a deep breath and approaching situations logically and calmly without letting your emotions rule your brain. If you feel you must continue writing these emails then set up a “fake” email account on hotmail or something. Give it your H’s name or some nickname you call him. Write the emails and then send them to that account, not to your actual H. Lose the password to that account and never go there. Pretend like you can’t access it and just let them sit there. You’ve sent them, you’ve gotten it off your chest, but there is no damage done.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
