Long Walk Home on the Lake Erie Shore

[pisces9]

here is one more thing on your list.
PMA!

[Bworl]

Neil,

When we are in the midst of a situation in which we have very little control, how odd that what we seek most is control.

The greatest struggles on this board are seen in the people who refuse to acknowledge that once a spouse has chosen to leave, the ball is in their court.

You cannot drag an adult back home.

You cannot force a person who thinks they are fine to admit they are not.

You cannot make someone be ready to accept changes in you.


These things are out of our hands. That does NOT mean we are powerless however. What our spouses have failed to account for in their steadfastness to insist that our relationship is fatally wounded is that they have loved us. And usually for quite some time.

They loved us enough to choose to enter into a lifetime marriage with us.

And yes, somewhere along the way they allowed themselves to be convinced that they made a mistake and that the marriage should end. In the process of convincing themselves of this, they turned their eyes from the most powerful thing we have working in our favor.

They DID love us.

And THAT is both the chink in their armor and our opening to drawing them back.

DB'ing is an acknowledgement that

a) We cannot control our spouses
b) We CAN control ourselves
c) One person WHO CHANGES can possibly provoke change in another


Your direction and focus cannot be driven by her. They need to be driven by you.

Incubus has a song that, to me, describes your current state...

Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear.
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear,
take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before and it seems to have a vague,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
should be the one behind the wheel.


You must have confidence in you. You must.

And yes, it would be so nice to have her respond favorably, and more often so.

But in the end, YOU have to KNOW that you are the one. And you have to believe that you, and the changes you have made, will make that clear to her at some point.

Incubus concludes....

Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there,
with open arms and open eyes.
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there.
I'll be there.


Blessings,

Bill

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Another great post Bill, and definitely makes one stop and think.

You are right, they DID love us and buried somewhere, deep inside, that love still exists. We have to find the way to bring ourselves back to the person they once fell in love with. Not only will they maybe see what they are missing, but we also are getting ourselves to the point that we are okay, no matter what happens.

SMW

[Neilh23]

Hey all-

thanks for all your help today....and your suggestions..

i have a lot of people to respond to.

PDT, Twindad, Bill...you guys are amazing...thank you so much.

To my ladies....(Pisces, Kjo, 1hope, Poet, SMV, goldy, SC, Sandi...i hope i didn't forget anyone)...you are all beautiful people....thank you.

to the fellas....UD, FG, NDSMHELP...thanks bros....man hugs...(again, hope i didn't forget anyone)

i will go and check everyones threads......i owe lots of people stuff...but not tonite....still on my self imposed exile...and you all are surviving well right now...

Here was today's GALing...
playground this morning....backyardigans (OMG..i hate that show..LOL) lunch....naps (kids and ME)...walmart...bubbles...tower building...more bubbles...dinner....bubbles at college and kicking a soccer ball....walking on the beach....bath....bed....now i'm working on a model, reading harry potter 6.....watching the bills and hte olympics....and doing my paint by number.....

thanks again....i've got some serious stuff to digest. i think i'm on the right track (with what i posted earlier today)....i know what works....i just hope it does......

nite...

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Hey! We love the Backyardigans! Especailly when Pablo plays a sailor!

SMW

[Forrest Gump]

"When we are in the midst of a situation in which we have very little control, how odd that what we seek most is control."

What does that control we seek give us?

Does it help us.. or hinder us?

What if the control we seek in our lives.. does not help us at all?

If you seek control.. do you become controlling?

Do we seek control.. of our lives.. or control of someone else?

"These things are out of our hands."

You have to "lose Control."

"That does NOT mean we are powerless however."

We miss.. we have all the power. The choice becomes.. who am I. How can I stand up.. in all this wind.

"What our spouses have failed to account for in their steadfastness to insist that our relationship is fatally wounded is that"

They want to control us.

Are you willing to give what they are asking for?

Do you know what they are asking for?

"And THAT is both the chink in their armor and our opening to drawing them back."


"Incubus has a song"

Called "Drive"

They.. have another song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpHFyYrNuuM

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
Strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy...happy

....

The world's a roller coaster
And I am not strapped in
Maybe I should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air saying:


I wish you were here.

I agree with Bill.

[sgctxok]

Well, Neil...I agree with your posters.....

So just keep on keepin' on and BELIEVE!

[Neilh23]

FG...HUH?

i have another positive to add to my list....

my W isn't aware of much angst i've been in as of late. she knew her email bothered me (she could tell as much on Tuesday morning), but not the extent to which it did (esp. on Wednesday). She just knows the positive, fun loving Neil that she's been talking to.

We talked a little yesterday. She sounded tired. Surprised i took the girls down to the beach. I asked about her students (they took the state exam the other day)....she was pleasant, but tired.

We'll see how this tunnel works....... we're going to be doing some stickers today.....they're going to make something for her (as well as me too)

[TwinDad]

Now that is what I am talking about...some excellent GAL with the kids. This is truly the best thing you can do for you, for your kids, and for your M.

I bet you felt pretty good taking them to the beach and I bet they jjust had a blast! Nothing beats the squeal of young toddlers when they are excited

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Good morning, Neil!

You sound 100 times better this morning! I am glad that you are not sensing any tension tied to your distress over the email.

There is a reason for everything that happens in our situations. Remember this passage:

Romans 8:28---And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Keep the faith Neil, and stand strong and firm in the storm. The Lord will sustain you.

SMW