Please help me to not give up............

[grant]

Hi All,
I'm really hoping that someone can give me a little encouragement to not give up. Separated 5 months now, and though I've been trying so hard with 180's,etc and did have some results, it does seem that things have got worse now. When I do go home at weekends to see my kids, things start off okay, but at some stage we always end up to about R, and it's downhill from there. She talks constantly about OP who has just left his wife, and I feel disrespected and deeply hurt. I try to make light of it all with little jokes etc, but she just looks at me like she despises me, and says I'm sad (as in pathetic).
She now wants me to set a date as to when I will give up, presumably so she feels able to file for D. One of her friends is in the final stages of divorce now, and she happily shares details of what she has learned about the process. I am trying so hard to be cool, not break down, and to show that I am a strong person. But I always end up getting ambushed by my emotions, and it's downhill from then on. Now she says that if I go home to see my kids, she will go and stay with her sister. Still coming with the "there's no hope" lines, and it's really feeling that I will have to give up and let her move forward onto the D process. I have wept everyday for 5 months now, and even though one minute I feel I must go on and keep fighting, the very next I am overwhelmed with the need to tell her that I can put up with it no more, and the only way forward is D. I visit the board quite a lot, and although I read situations where people are encouraged by others about their DB efforts, it does seem that success is desperately limited. I just want this pain to go away now. Maybe it's the start of true detachment for me, but I struggle with feeling weak, pathetic and out of control. My sitch is complex, but the themes remain familiar, and the actions and reactions almost textbook. I am so grateful that this forum exists, but I would just be so so grateful if anyone could take the time to read my sitch, and to comment or encourage. Anything really............ Justhttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1539583&page=8#Post1539583
Just feel so alone and at the end of it all. Is it really time for me to give up? Don't want to, but I can't take much more of this. Thanks so much guys.