Hey Sawks, I think that all of us on the dirty end of the stick will probably go through this at some point. God is probably the only other one who knows how much I vacillate.
I'm going to hijack a bit from Lola's thread and say that your old R is dead and good riddance. But, I would also say to not categorically exclude your W from consideration, and that isn't what I hear you saying. Remember, no matter who you are with, there will be problems. At least here is the devil you know.
The opportunities were always there, but, because you would have to take action to pursue those opportunities, when you were committed to your marriage, they might as well have not existed.
Dan
Dan,
Vacillate, yep that about sums it up! (Good word by the way)
Better the devil you know than the devil you don't know, again that makes sense. The Old R is dead Amen to that! I am not so sure I have completely excluded her yet, but there comes a time when I had to ask myself when do I do that if I do. I have been completely shunned by all of her friends save 2 or 3, do I want to return to the devil I know and have them all look at me like I am an alien?
Fact is the opportunities are there now, and my wife basically told me to flock off, will I pursue them, to an extent, to meet new people and such. How far will I go? I don't know, I do know I am too smart to make bad judgement calls (hopefully).
Oh, it all makes sense. Yes, the old R is dead and good riddance.
Here is what I decided. If in February when we go to Hawaii for her cousin's wedding I haven't seen any substantive changes on her part and movement toward building a wonderful new relationship, then, I will close the door 99% on this marriage and work with W to divorce. Once divorced, until one of us is in a committed long term relationship, I will be open to the possibility of building a new relationship together. I will say that I don't believe that my wife is saying bad things about me to friends and relatives. I would think that if you and your wife got back together, she can inform the friends that you are in fact not an alien and that she was mistaken.
For my part, I've gone from a place where I didn't believe that I had other options to a place where there is an abundance of options available to me whenever I want. Because I'm still married and DB, I am very careful about what I do and how far I will push things.
Oh, it all makes sense. Yes, the old R is dead and good riddance.
Here is what I decided. If in February when we go to Hawaii for her cousin's wedding I haven't seen any substantive changes on her part and movement toward building a wonderful new relationship, then, I will close the door 99% on this marriage and work with W to divorce. Once divorced, until one of us is in a committed long term relationship, I will be open to the possibility of building a new relationship together. I will say that I don't believe that my wife is saying bad things about me to friends and relatives. I would think that if you and your wife got back together, she can inform the friends that you are in fact not an alien and that she was mistaken.
For my part, I've gone from a place where I didn't believe that I had other options to a place where there is an abundance of options available to me whenever I want. Because I'm still married and DB, I am very careful about what I do and how far I will push things.
It makes perfect sense.
Dan
You know, I have allready made that decision, I know she tells everyone that everything is my fault. So be it, i accepted responsibility in the email i sent, that was never acknowledged , so be it. I am quite happy with closing the door on her, she still maintains that all i like to do is party etc etc, even though i haven't done so in months. WTF is wrong with her thinking I am still like that, she knows for a fact I am not.. oh well.
I am not sure how far I will push things, but she has laid all the ground work for it to go the way it has. She even believes the only reason we are civil towards each other is because of her, it's comical.
I think maninmotion is referring to how much he "vacillates". I can relate to that. I really want my husband back...then I talk to him and I hate him....but I want to save my family...but he's so cold and mean...but I made vows...but...
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Seriously, you will always get the same answer because even when I'm hurting and just want to move on, I think about my kids and I think about how if it is possible, I want more than anything to have an amazing marriage with my kids' mother. Now, if she were behaving badly like you've alluded to with regards to your wife and if I didn't have kids, then perhaps I would have a different answer.
I think maninmotion is referring to how much he "vacillates". I can relate to that. I really want my husband back...then I talk to him and I hate him....but I want to save my family...but he's so cold and mean...but I made vows...but...
OK that makes sense now, it's sometimes tough to read posts and work LOL.. new girl just called and we chatted briefly about going for dinner saturday. I leaked it out that I bought her a Tom Petty tanktop (says American Girl).. i guess a situation with a friend arose and her last 2 days were a writeoff.
Sawks, buying her gifts? Come on now...you know better.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Seriously, you will always get the same answer because even when I'm hurting and just want to move on, I think about my kids and I think about how if it is possible, I want more than anything to have an amazing marriage with my kids' mother. Now, if she were behaving badly like you've alluded to with regards to your wife and if I didn't have kids, then perhaps I would have a different answer.
Dan
With no kids, maybe my decision is easier than if we had..
