Part X: Where Do We Go From Here?

[SirPrizeMe]

RTL - Sorry about your headaches. I know just what you mean.

I had headaches too.
Bad, piercing headaches. Sudden onset. Like I was shot. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with searing pain, like someone just stuck a screwdriver in my eye.

No kidding.

I also had distorted vision, dizzyness.

My physician ordered MRI, full diagnostics, etc etc.

It went away.

I don't know what to tell ya. I prayed and meditated and just talked to people. It went away. I was pretty sure it was stress related. You know what really helped me I think? I joined a divorce support group. I listened to other people tell their stories in person. Amazing. I thought my story was bad. I left those meetings feeling a ton of empathy for all the other souls I had met. I stopped feeling so sorry for myself. (as much)

You know what else helped? I let go, just a little bit, of all the crap. All the bad feelings and guilt I felt about no longer being the daily-supportive father I felt I had to be. I actually felt GUILT that I couldn't see my kids. No longer able to provide a safe home for my family. No longer able to hold everyone together. I let go of my bad feelings over my deteriorated work performance. I let go of my dream of paying for college educations for my kids. I let go of the dream of a summer home for the family. None of that was possible now, and I felt soooo horrible about it. Yeah I was depressed about not having that in my future, but worse, I felt guilty that I failed. Like it was my fault that I couldn't provide all that. I had to let all that go.

I forgave myself, a little bit, for all that. I accepted, a little, that those dreams were gone.

and the headaches went away.