Blog #2

[heatherg]

if fear was choking us down and not allowing us to be vulnerable enough to at the very least, face the TRUTH each of us were feeling, then how could we ever have truly good sex?


H and I have had a very rough few years...just within the last year have things smoothed over between us, but we have not recovered the intimacy....or perhaps we never had it to begin with, I'm not positive. I can say that sex was probably not as frequent as H would have liked in years past, but it was always really satisfying for both of us. Lately though, I've struggled a bit with feeling a connection and it's affected our sex life. A couple times I have felt very detached during sex with him, to the point where I couldn't even really hide it.
There is so much to that, but the short of it is intimacy, or lack thereof.

most men claim they would not/do not mind their woman looking at porn, but that is not actually true! They WOULD mind it, especially if she was sneaking around to do it

I totally agree with this. In previous discussions/arguments about porn, I've asked my H how he would feel if he found porn on my computer, pictures of naked guys, how would that make him feel? He says he doesn't know but doesn't think it would bother him. I know it would. He doesn't even want me to have a vibrator that's shaped like a penis, so I know it would bother him to know I was checking out and being turned on by other guys' naked bodies.

I don't let myself think about his porn habit too much because the emotional energy it consumes for me is more than I have to give. I've tried my best to take ownership of the things I can, the porn bothers me for many reasons and I've tried to tackle the reasons I can control, such as my own insecurity.

"I fantasize about OTHER people having great sex, but I myself do not have great sex, I only pleasure myself and watch THEM do it, but I am somehow not worthy of having great sex like the people on the screen are".

I don't really agree with this. I think humans are primitive where sex is concerned and watching other people have sex is a huge turn on. Watching porn as a couple can definitely turn things up a notch. It's watching porn solo and hiding it from one another and depending on it that I think kills the intimacy in a R.

My H actually told me he enjoys looking at beautiful women. I found a picture collection he has on his computer and the pictures I have found are just women-no men, no sex acts. The porn videos I have found are all women, penthouse, playboy, etc. The only porn video I found that had men in it was titled '18 and ready to fu@#'. Talk about adding insult to injury on that one. I don't think I would even mind so much if the stuff was just random people getting it on, but he apparently just loves naked women. Young ones. Lucky me.