HI Sage, I KNOW you're not back yet, but man, we MISS you around here. You'll find a few posts from Tal to me asking about you...she was worried! But I recalled something about a vacation, checked and reassured her!
I don't envy you your catch up! You any good at speed reading?
I'm back! I think I'm going to have to take a few days off from work to catch up with everyone! Ha. I'm sure my boss would LOVE that!
So...vacation was great. VERY relaxing -- here was the schedule each day:
Sleep for 12 hours Read for 8 hours broken up by Eating for 4 hours
There was the occasional bike ride and canoe trip but the above really captures it! We just lounged around on the porch (or the couch when it got too chilly) -- reading and relaxing -- sharing bits of our books when something was particularly funny or interesting. There were lots of smiles, a ton of laughs, lots and lots of good quality time.
Now...here's something that I actually think is interesting and GOOD -- coming home was NOT a letdown. NOT because vacation wasn't wonderful...but because home is pretty darned good, too.
Here's a book that some of you may be interested in (Shiny and Jeannine, I'm thinking of the two of you in particular...Tal, you too?):
It's a pretty interesting blend of mindfulness and psychology and ....
Also, for my meditating friends I got an email today from SoundsTrue telling me I could download some meditations for free...can't say enough (!!) about Jack Kornfield and Pema Chodron and Sharon Salzberg...
Hmmm...what else? I have therapy tonight which I'm dreading. I told her about 6 weeks ago that I was interested in planning a "stop date" and she essentially laughed...a la "um, you're nowhere near ready to stop, my dear". So, a month ago I told her that I wanted a more "solution based approach" -- that I didn't think that coming in there every two weeks crying about my childhood was helping....
I'm trying really hard to make sure that I'm NOT pulling away from her and from therapy because it's getting too close for comfort. What I think I realized was this:
I'm irked because I've told her that I didn't think it was working optimally for me. And she disagreed. But, she's not really holding up her end of the bargain by offering an alternate solution/path. And that irks me.
Shiny -- are you out there? What do you think of this?
Anyhoo....I WILL check on you all over the next few days. Hang tough, comrades!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Funny, CJ and I were away at my folk's camp for only two days and I felt the SAME thing you did when we got home tonight...HOME is pretty great! (See description of so-called "camp" before assuming we were roughing it! ).
By the sounds of it, I could vacation with you guys any time...reading, talking, eating, sleeping,...add a little vino and I am sooo there...CJ'd probably like it too
Now, about your C, Sage...I think you are very right to be wondering about the efficacy of this therapist/therapy.
Not to say she's bad...but there are a LOT of crappy ones out there. Sorry, it's true. MOST of the ones I've seen are NOT particularly goals oriented and knowing YOU, hon, you need someone who can maximize this goal-setting mindset of yours!!!
I especially don't like that she DISAGREED with you about your FEELINGS that the therapy wasn't helping you!!! Oh my GOD!!! That's not right!! It is entirely your right to shop a bit and FIND a therapist who is a better match for you.
I don't know, Sage, I don't like how she handled your concerns. Wouldn't it have been more professional to ask in detail why you felt that way? Offer to provide more structure and goal=setting to the sessions? Or at the very least admit that her style is not best suited to what you need and recommend a referral???
But this is the real world, she probably really likes you and who likes to lose a great student/patient/friend? ...Don't let that sidetrack you, though, you're PAYING for those services!!
Welcome back! We all missed you, but it sounds like a wonderful vacation.
Quote: Hmmm...what else? I have therapy tonight which I'm dreading. I told her about 6 weeks ago that I was interested in planning a "stop date" and she essentially laughed...a la "um, you're nowhere near ready to stop, my dear". So, a month ago I told her that I wanted a more "solution based approach" -- that I didn't think that coming in there every two weeks crying about my childhood was helping....
I'm trying really hard to make sure that I'm NOT pulling away from her and from therapy because it's getting too close for comfort. What I think I realized was this:
I'm irked because I've told her that I didn't think it was working optimally for me. And she disagreed. But, she's not really holding up her end of the bargain by offering an alternate solution/path. And that irks me.
Sage, only you can really determine what a good stop date is for you. Based on my experiences with C's and Psy's however, setting a stop date can be sooooo trickey. As I look back on my 1/2 dozen or so C's and blocks of sessions with them, I don't really know if I ever hit it right on setting a stop date. I do know that when nicole and I stopped MC the last time, we were into them for about a year before we stopped. Unfortunatley, we probably should have kept it going for a while more or at least kept with some "maintenance sessions" for a while after. That probaly also holds true for some of my individual sessions too. I certainly do feel I stopped short a bit.
That goes back to some of the "old Dan Patterns" of slacking a bit when things are going well. I'm struggling with that now a bit and need to refocus on "do more of what works". That's a 180 for me.
But getting back to your C sitch, it is ultimaltely up to you, and If you don't feel your C is doing what you want then find one that will. Any ways, take it from someone who probably stopped short on all of my C's. Err on the side of cation and go a while longer than you think. I can't hurt, but do find one that works for you. It's your $$$ and they are not cheap I know.
Welcome back. A lot of us missed you. Glad you had a good time. Did you go through any withdrawals being away from all of us?
Brian
Hi Brian,
Well...I thought of you guys often, actually! Amazingly, though, I didn't feel compelled to try to get on the boards...(go to the library or an Internet cafe and jump on or anything).
BTW -- your post to Jeannine where my name was so delightfully mentioned...thanks for that! (Wordy??? I don't know WHAT you mean! But you nailed the first two adjectives... )
Sage
PS I'm always delighted to read your advice to folks here -- newcomers AND old timers! You're a DB master now!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quoting psluke: So did you both read relationship books or other reading as well? I don't know that David would ever want to spend a week reading just R books!
Pam -- LOL. My h. woudn't spend 4.5 minutes reading a R. book let alone a week! No prob. Gathering the written word and "expert opinions" is my way of delving into problems -- not his. It's taken me a LONG time to recognize and accept that but what a relief it IS to finally NOT trying to be cramming "advice" down his throat!
So...neither one of us read R books. It was fiction all the way..."Three Junes", "My Only Story", "Nobody's Fool", "Catch-22" and more that I'm forgetting.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I think I'm going to have to take a few days off from work to catch up with everyone! 
Ha. I'm sure my boss would LOVE that!
I got an email today from SoundsTrue telling me I could download some meditations for free...can't say enough (!!) about Jack Kornfield and Pema Chodron and Sharon Salzberg...
