Starting again...with a Beginner's Mind

[sage]

How did you figure out exactly what your "insecure as hell" zone was? I want to stay out of my send me into emotional meltdown zones!!!!!

Pam -- It's all about "data collection" One of the reasons why I'm such an advocate for meditation is that I've found that I really need to quiet my mind in order to figure out what's REALLY going on. Here are some other ways I've figured out my danger zones...

1. reread your old posts -- note what went well or didn't go well -- things jump out at you!

2. read other peoples threads...a lot of times, it's easier to see someone else's "traps" and then figure out if they can be applied to your own situation.

3. LL started a thread in this forum on what makes DB'ing hard...you'll find a lot of ideas in there that may be applicable

4. Ask yourself questions...what's REALLY going on here? What am I really feeling? Not the surface stuff but what's really going on underneath.

5. look for patterns in situations that don't go well.

6. listen to your spouse's statements on what doesn't work...h tells me that I start things late at night and often after we've had a good time together. That gave me something to contemplate.

I think you're on the right path to figure this out, Pam. You do a great job of picking through the rubble of a bad event! Use what you find to make it better next time!

Sage