Let's not talk about the separation of assets just yet, okay hun? Try hanging in there a little longer. You're under a lot of stress without adding that to the mix for the moment.
I had a taste of mango chutney just this week.. and I believe it was my first try of it. I had it with butter chicken roti.. it was good but my mouth was on fire.
So what are you going to do next? Are you going to be still and wait until he initiates contact with you.. or are you going to contact him?
Hi Where! I was just debating that one...should I call him?
I cant help thinking, whats going to happen to our house. The other one is his, although on paper its joint and he cant take my name off, its mortgaged for more than his salary multipes allow. The way the housing market is, its going to take a few years to recover I guess, so we will be financially tied to one another for a few years I think. But there are things every month we need to pay in...so unless we can come to some arrangement on that and pay half in each, then we will have to talk. So far since he left, this hasnt happened and severeal times the mortgages bounced.
8.45 no call. He is so transparent, he thinks he is clever, but he isnt, he just AVOIDS confronrtation..he didnt want to meet me tonight, so I knew he wouldnt call till late so that he can say "well its late now". I think he is totally done with me. Or maybe he just wont even be able to face calling me at all.
I can tell you what I would do.. and I wouldn't call him.. but I'm not you.
It's easy for me to say that though because although I care for you I'm not the one sitting there with butterflies in my belly dealing with loads of anxiety.
Have you tried a pros and cons list? Just grasping at straws...
Sorry hun. I guess all I can say is if you can't go another day without hashing things out.. with regards to the lease or your emotions then you need to do what you need to do.
Just caught up. I can't believe he hasn't called yet after saying he would. That's unlike him isn't it? I remember calling H on not calling once when he said he would. It was important to me to have that boundary.
Have you decided what to do? Did you call him? I'm not sure what the best thing would be. If it was me I wouldn't call, but it would be really hard not to.
I think in terms of saying something to him on Saturday, as I think I posted before, you could try it and see what happens. But do it with no expectations one way or another. I imagine he will respond by citing confusion and needing to sort himself out. Have you thought how you'd respond to the three possible outcomes?
Its over guys, its all come to an end. No more DBing or manouevering or whatever, its plain as day, Its 9.30 and he never called, and no this isnt like him. THis is like when he first ended it last Nov/Dec...before he tentively started contacting me again in Feb. I told you didnt I, on the eclipse, I'd get my answer, and I have.
My Mum said dont call, two of you here said dont call, so I didnt call. Part of me thinks I am giving him the wrong message by not calling him...but he knows whats going on. He knows I have been in love with him all this time and he has been hovering around me (god knows why) making a decision or wahtever and now, something happened that weekend in Wales, 1st August was the last time he called me and thats it. All I've had since then is slightly rude responses to my call (last Tuesday) and a couple of email replies, late.
He probably procrastinated over callking me earlier, thought, I cant face it, I cant face it...and then it got late and he thought f*ck it, I just wont call.
Theres no point calling him on it Lisa. I said last Tuesday I hadnt heard from him in a while and he grumppily replied, well, I've been away havent I.
He's decided to just finally take that step, that leap of faith into a new future. Everyone around me was right...he was just using me because its scary when you leave someone, you dont want to be with them, but you miss their love and support and its hard to be on your own, and you know they are still there for you...so you cant help going back for more. BUT...he was quite clear wasnt he, he said "I dont want to mess you around after everything thats happened" and never crossed that boundary.
I cant believe he's done this. What a b*stard. To spend 6 months initiating contact with me, inviting me out places, with friends, for dinner lots of times, spend all that time at my place and then to just turn around and dump me a second time.
And he has never let me have a voice either, or be heard, I am so furious. Its 20 to 10, clearly he isnt going to call.
Ok, so he may be ill and feeling low, but thats surely an excuse? Abbey...you'll know! He said he was going back to the doctor last week as he was not feeling better an dnot sleeping at all. Monday he emaield to say he was "absolutely shattered", Tuesday nothing and Wednesday he was on site both days in the rain. Then today he said he was feeling ropey with a sore throat and headache. Would that explain the dumping me this past 2 weeks? I dont thikn so, I think its just over, it was anyway, but how much more can I kid myself that this man is ever coming back?
I am ranting now. I'm so upset and angry and incredulous. My Mum used to love him and he was so good with my parents, my Dad treated him like a son and he twice said to me "Your Dads more of a dad to me than mine ever was" with tears in his eyes. My Mum just said, I never would have thought that he would be capable of treating you this badly and being so cruel and behaving like this, ok, so he doesnt love you anymore...
I just had a moment of clarity. This is avoidance again.. he did it first time round except I was endlessly forgiving.. he is trying to push me, like Kalnis H.. he's weak and he hates confrontation, he's just behaving really badly so that I have no choice but to have a go at him and tell him to do one. Then he wont have to tell me that he wants nothing more to do with me. I get it now. Either that or he will just be unavailable until he has to move away.
God I cant believe he of all people could have turned out to be such a b*stard, like I just said. When we first got together, he said the reason he knew he had feelings for me (back in 1996, so wy before he did win me)...I was seeing his best mate (still is) who was two timing me and my current ex knew and could see what his mate was doing and hurting me...and he said to me, i couldnt bare to see anyone hurting you and wanted to be with you as I would never hurt you.
He actually said that. I dont think I will ever trust another man again.
By accident, logged in. Al, hang in there. Not necessarily for your R, for you darling... Go through the emotions (not motions) and don't let the drama(we both adore and not confess to)to suck you in. I will get back on Monday night. i have to catch up. Love K
Thankyou Naej, bless you. I've been having so many moments of clarity this evening. I have felt so low and also, much stronger strangely...everyone said I would if I got angry.
So I phoned him. He was asleep. I called him at 10 and he was very sweet and friendly. No edge or malice, pleased to hear from me. He said he had meant to call me at 7.30 but was so tired and felt ill that he thought he would just rest his eyes for 5 minutes..then fell asleep. I woke him up. As soon as I heard that sweet "how ya doing" all my anger just dissipated in a puff of smoke.
BUT...i was honest. I said several things I would never have said the past 6 months...I made it clear I was disappointed he hadnt called (thata when he explained he meant to) I said I havent seen you for a few weeks...he made some sort of phhmppff noises. Later he said he is supposed to be going camping tommorow for the weekend in Wales (!!).. I said "OH"...all disappointed and hurt...and twice said I was taken aback. he asked why and I said becuase you're going away again, another weekend and I havent seen you...after several totally contrabannd, I've lost it, I dont care anymore, honest, anti-DB comments like that..
he saoid sorry "for being fluffy", thats what he came up with and then he said, well, I may not go, I'm very tired.. I'll be in work tommorow, so I'll let you know anyway what I'm doing,
He said this twice, about contacting me tommorow.
He said he was tired and stressed about work and went to the doctor yesterday, who told him to relax and stop getting so anxioua and just try and sleep. I told him I was worried about him, he was all reasuring, Oh I'm ok, thats alright, you dont have to worry... he didnt react badly to a thing I said. He told me all about his weekend. He said he called his brother last night at 9 and then went straight out to the pub down the road with his mate he played football with. Once or twice in these explanations I wondered if he was fibbing, he was explaining so much. Ever he was explaining to reassure me, or to hoodwink me. I cant tell.
He said "I know we have to get together to sign this lease", I said, yes we do, but, I dont just want to see you to sign the lease. Clearly I have lost it. I cant not push anymore, my patience has run out !
So...whats going on here? I think... I am utterly focused on him as a prospective or actual BF and his every action or non action is to do with me and I am thinking there is some R between us, or the potential of an R, once he is over his depression. For him, he's off in La La land, either cos of the ADs, cos hes tired or because he is leading some kind of double life (seeing someone else? secretly gay? addicted to internet porn?? Who knows). But there is something about this sitch that is not adding up. Either way, I thikn he is not aware of me or of not seeing me as I am.
I smell a rat. I AM going to have it out with him when I get to see him, in a very gentle way, but thats it, enoughs enough.
Oh hey Kalni ! I missed you.. I thought of you earlier tonight, I think I finally caught you up!
I have been on such a roller coaster the past 2 weeks (3?), but I still dont think I'll take those ADs, I thikn I will just battle on, one day at a time. Once I do get to speak to him and try and lay my cards on the table, I reckon I will start to feel better and I will be released from the last year of madness. However he reacts (pyfhmphh probably). This DBing ought to come with a health warning...
