The Bumpy Road to Recovery #2

[Bagheera]

Greetings,

While I was on vacation, DanceQueen and Shelby had an exchange concerning what I (with tongue-in-cheek) call 'industrial-strength' vibrators; i.e., plug-in massagers. I have a story to tell regarding one of these and how it has helped my wife and I to get out of our SSM. At the same time, it's pretty darn personal, so I've had to debate whether to talk about it here, or not. However, since I think that it can help a woman to discover / re-awaken her sexuality, sometimes significantly so, I'll share the story. Hopefully I'll be forgiven if this gets too personal.

The Bad Old Days

During the time when our marriage was sex-starved and our relationship quite strained, my wife was orgasmic, but in a limited way. She could only have single orgasms through VERY direct clitoral stimulation, either manually or via a direct water stream. Stimulating other areas of the vulva "did nothing for her," in her words, and oral stimulation was not permitted (she wouldn't let me try it). Manual stimulation, by me, took anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes, highly dependent upon her mood and energy level. The longer time frames often felt more like work than pleasure for her, as the resulting orgasm was pretty ho-hum. The shorter times were generally the best, and still are, actually. She never owned, or even wanted to own, a vibrator.

Early Stages of SSM Recovery

Last fall, when we were finally both on board and trying to improve our relationship and sex life, my wife bought a book called How to Have Multiple Orgasms, by Janalee Beck: perhaps not the best book on the topic, but a start. I looked over the book, and found that one of the suggestions was to do exactly what DQ advised Shelby --> to begin with a powerful, plug-in massager. Knowing that my wife wouldn't do it, I ordered her a Hitache Magic Wand, with attachments, then quietly waited to see what she would do with it.

"Magic" was the operative word. From the very first use, she could reach orgasm, without effort, in about 5 minutes. Multiple orgasms followed shortly thereafter, and nowadays, while masturbating by herself, she can average one orgasm every 3 minutes for up to an hour (so do the math there...my chin dropped when I did). However, as DQ also warned Shelby about, for a time, using this vibrator became the only way in which she would reach orgasm, and we had to incorporate it into our lovemaking.

I will fully admit to developing a love/hate relationship with that Magic Wand during this time period. On the one hand, I was thrilled that my wife was exploring her own sexuality, masturbating more than ever in her life, with some of that excess sexual energy starting to spill over into our own sex life. Initially, I didn't mind incorporating it into our lovemaking, either.

On the other hand, and being a typical male, --> I <-- wanted to be the one bringing her to orgasm(s), in a variety of fashions, not some machine, and this wore on me over time. Because my manually stimulated O's had stopped, it even felt like a step backwards in that regard. Additionally, I also knew that there were times when, rather than face the pressure / worries / anxieties that came with making love to me, she would sometimes turn to the Magic Wand instead and continue to avoid me. So there were a few days when I wanted to smash the thing with a hammer. But I stuck it out, and waited to see how things developed.

Current Stage of SSM Recovery

Over these last few months, things have really begun to shift in a favorable direction, sexually, and the Magic Wand has been an integral part of that (even though I still sneer at it from time to time ). The nerve endings have been gradually coming to life down there for her, beginning with the clitoral 'wishbone' structure, G-spot (which is very prominent on her, when aroused), and now including other areas that we'll keep secret. She now permits and is learning to enjoy oral stimulation (no O's from that yet, but give me time). Manual stimulation is back, with better O's than before, although still requiring some rather long time periods (if I could just get my fingers to 'buzz' like the wand....). And much to the surprise of both of us at the time, we've now experienced her first ever penetration-only orgasm.

"Did you just?"
"I think so..." (it wasn't fireworks, but still a firecracker)
"Cool!" [male slaps chest in gorilla fashion]

The Magic Wand is still a part of the repertory, especially if she wants more than one O, but it has gone from a mandatory to an optional slot now. And I expect things to keep getting better.

So overall, I consider the thing to be one of my best investments , ever.

But I still hate it....

Isn't male ego fun?

-- B.