Its over guys, its all come to an end. No more DBing or manouevering or whatever, its plain as day, Its 9.30 and he never called, and no this isnt like him. THis is like when he first ended it last Nov/Dec...before he tentively started contacting me again in Feb. I told you didnt I, on the eclipse, I'd get my answer, and I have.
My Mum said dont call, two of you here said dont call, so I didnt call. Part of me thinks I am giving him the wrong message by not calling him...but he knows whats going on. He knows I have been in love with him all this time and he has been hovering around me (god knows why) making a decision or wahtever and now, something happened that weekend in Wales, 1st August was the last time he called me and thats it. All I've had since then is slightly rude responses to my call (last Tuesday) and a couple of email replies, late.
He probably procrastinated over callking me earlier, thought, I cant face it, I cant face it...and then it got late and he thought f*ck it, I just wont call.
Theres no point calling him on it Lisa. I said last Tuesday I hadnt heard from him in a while and he grumppily replied, well, I've been away havent I.
He's decided to just finally take that step, that leap of faith into a new future. Everyone around me was right...he was just using me because its scary when you leave someone, you dont want to be with them, but you miss their love and support and its hard to be on your own, and you know they are still there for you...so you cant help going back for more. BUT...he was quite clear wasnt he, he said "I dont want to mess you around after everything thats happened" and never crossed that boundary.
I cant believe he's done this. What a b*stard. To spend 6 months initiating contact with me, inviting me out places, with friends, for dinner lots of times, spend all that time at my place and then to just turn around and dump me a second time.
And he has never let me have a voice either, or be heard, I am so furious. Its 20 to 10, clearly he isnt going to call.
Ok, so he may be ill and feeling low, but thats surely an excuse? Abbey...you'll know! He said he was going back to the doctor last week as he was not feeling better an dnot sleeping at all. Monday he emaield to say he was "absolutely shattered", Tuesday nothing and Wednesday he was on site both days in the rain. Then today he said he was feeling ropey with a sore throat and headache. Would that explain the dumping me this past 2 weeks? I dont thikn so, I think its just over, it was anyway, but how much more can I kid myself that this man is ever coming back?
I am ranting now. I'm so upset and angry and incredulous. My Mum used to love him and he was so good with my parents, my Dad treated him like a son and he twice said to me "Your Dads more of a dad to me than mine ever was" with tears in his eyes. My Mum just said, I never would have thought that he would be capable of treating you this badly and being so cruel and behaving like this, ok, so he doesnt love you anymore...
I just had a moment of clarity. This is avoidance again.. he did it first time round except I was endlessly forgiving.. he is trying to push me, like Kalnis H.. he's weak and he hates confrontation, he's just behaving really badly so that I have no choice but to have a go at him and tell him to do one. Then he wont have to tell me that he wants nothing more to do with me. I get it now. Either that or he will just be unavailable until he has to move away.
God I cant believe he of all people could have turned out to be such a b*stard, like I just said. When we first got together, he said the reason he knew he had feelings for me (back in 1996, so wy before he did win me)...I was seeing his best mate (still is) who was two timing me and my current ex knew and could see what his mate was doing and hurting me...and he said to me, i couldnt bare to see anyone hurting you and wanted to be with you as I would never hurt you.
He actually said that. I dont think I will ever trust another man again.
