Onward but not so Upward right now

[mishka422]

Called my L's office to follow up on the agreement and her assistant told me she has been out of town the last few days in a trial. She didn't know if she had taken the paperwork with her or not. She was leaving her a message to call me.

I'm finding myself in a strange position. Now, no 2x4's please, but for the first time in 19 years I am finding myself attracted to and thinking about a man that is not my H. It actually freaked me out last night when I realized it! I never thought I would ever have a feeling of attraction again.

Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing and more than likely will never be anything other than friendship with this man. He's in my Thursday night group and he also is involved in the new business I have started. The things I do know about him show me that he has a lot of the qualities I have always admired in a man but that's all I know. I am not the type of woman men are naturally attracted to so I know for certain this won't go anywhere. Just weird to me.

I'm finding this to be such a strange feeling. It feels like I'm cheating on my H but, um, helllllooooooo....he's gone. Not coming back. Not giving an inch. Our D will be final as soon as we hammer out some paperwork. Why does it feel so weird to just be having a feeling that is not aimed at my H?