The kids are just as affected. They just show it differently. I remember when my W left, My oldest girls (now 16 and 18) seemed to not be affected by it. As a matter of fact, they seemed very well adjusted to having two households. My S8 was telling people he had two houses. It broke my heart to see how "well adjusted" they were while I was suffering.
When my W and I reconciled, things went back to normal. My D16 declared we were rich again. Mostly because W never had any money when we separated.
Anyway, to get back to what I was saying, don't believe for one minute that your children have adjusted. They are simply handling it the best way they can.
Now as far as detachment is concerned, I hear what you are saying, yet I'm having a hard time buying it. Detaching is the hardest thing you can do. And it takes a long, long time. You're reporting your W's actions and your reactions tell me you are not as detached as you say you are. When her actions start to affect you the way a stranger on the street does, then you will be detached. That's hoe it worked for me. My W became a stranger to me. I was actually amazed at how unaffected I was by her actions and behavior. And I believe it was made possible by her leaving the house.
In reality, it was my detachment that brought her back. She wanted to know why I was "ignoring" her. She wasn't being ignored, she was just another person in passing to me.
I'm not saying that your W will come running back to you from your detachment. I felt so much better about myself when I was detached. I was able to live my life worry-free as far as my W was concerned.
Declaring you are detached sounds like you are trying to convince us as well as yourself. Jest let it happen and you will realize when you are there. Let the anger go. That's step one...
PoohBear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
