Starting again...with a Beginner's Mind

[sage]

Have a good date. I know you won't blow yours like I did my last one with junk emotional thinking! I LOVE reading all the positive interactions going on here.

Pam -- You know from reading my thread that I've blown more than one "date" with "junk emotional thinking" (this is an excellent phrase! I love it). Please cut yourself some slack, hon, you are dealing with a TON of stuff -- and doing it with remarkable grace , IMNSO. The key is, I think, increasing the number of times that you and h. get together when it is ENTIRELY and COMPLETELY positive....that builds a foundation for the blips or dips or backslides.

Can you try to figure out how to maximize the fun times while minimizing the opportunities for backsliding?

Maybe you guys are trying to spend TOO much time together at once?

Maybe you should go to a more neutral territory (not your house)?

What if you met h. at the movie theater for a movie? At a lunch place for lunch? Or coffee? Or a drink?

What if you limited yourself to spending 2 hours together instead of trying to spend more?

What if you picked an activity that had a natural boundary around it? (a movie, a walk of a certain distance, something like that?)

My 2 cents is that you're trying to do too much and it's backfiring.

I hope you know that I realize I can't imagine how hard this is for you...and I'm not minimizing your pain in ANY WAY. I DO know that building up a reserve of "wow, that went great" times WILL help. And one way to do that might be to lower expectations and time frames.

Sage

PS YES on DROPPING the ROPE re. house stuff. AND, notice all the great stuff he IS doing!