A Rough Year Continues.... 4

[TwinDad]

The self power that you begin to feel when you stop that self destructive behavior only gets better with practice.

You got that right.....I'm going to knock on wood first.....but Hope, is it me or do you and your H seem to have a somewhat normal M now

I'm so happy for you!!

It is cool that he is excited about the weekend...PMA is one thing.....faking excitement to someone you know is something entirely different.

He even considered your feelings...he was probably very pleased you didn't give him a hard time about lunch....you did well to come here

Keep up the good work!

[1hope]

You got that right.....I'm going to knock on wood first.....but Hope, is it me or do you and your H seem to have a somewhat normal M now

All my fingers and toes are crossed, while knocking wood and with cautious optimism I am going to say, yes, somewhat normal And in some ways, better than normal.

After you go thru cancer treatment they talk to you about your "new normal." I really dislike that term, but I guess there is a lot of truth in it.

My H and I have not had anything "normal" for a few years. His EA, my illness, his family business nightmare... It just feels good to finally feel the fog lifting and to see more of my H and less of the Alien.

Lots of little baby steps have brought us to this point.

I believe that I was lead to the DB book and this site. I give thanks every day for all of you and the tools that we have been taught.

No matter what happens, I know that I will be ok and will continue to work on being a better person.

[1hope]

Yipee! H called me and asked me to come over and have lunch with him. He said that he might have to break to go back and load trucks if they came in, but that I could still eat and watch. He said he would come back if he could.

That is exactly what happened. (The equipment is so expensive that it only sits still if the trucks that the excavator is loading are out on a dump run). The other guys on his crew were still there eating so it was fun.

Also, another "small world" happening....the dad of the EA works for the engineering/construction firm that is working on the inside of this building. He came out and sat with us. Gave me a big rib cracking hug and told me how much he and his W are looking forward to H and I coming up for our visit this weekend. We will be golfing together.

It has been over a year since I have been up there... about the time the EA with his daughter began. He is the only one that has ever apologised to me for this mess. He felt that he had helped set it up because he had asked my H (as the friends we were) to keep involved with his D and her kids because her H was not being good to them at the time. (His opinion) When the EA was uncovered he was as shocked as I was.

Previously H had told me that he would NEVER take me up there again. Now he has invited me!

[TwinDad]

Hope,

I didn't know you were Golfing with the EA's Dad....wow.....I knew your H worked with him....but I didn't know this weekend was with him.

It is great that the EA's dad is trying very hard to make you feel welcome and took ownership of his part....it would have been easy for him to slough it off on his "crazy" SIL. He probably saw how his involvement made the sitch between his D and her H that much worse....especially from the incident.

Incidently, what is the latest with them.....do they seem to be getting any better. I do think about them a little bit and the pain he was in.

Looks like you are a couple again


PS: Do you ever notice that you have to think about writing out Wife or Husband when communicating with someone else aside fom here.....lol (I do.......I think I think of my wife as a W)

[1hope]

Hope,

I didn't know you were Golfing with the EA's Dad....wow.....I knew your H worked with him....but I didn't know this weekend was with him.

He is the owner of the home in Party Town that everyone in our crowd goes to play golf and snowmobile in the winter. They have a nice home with two guest cabins. We have all been going up there for several years.

When the EA and her husband really began to have problems, her dad (unbeknown to me) asked my H to keep an eye on her and her boys because her H (a friend of my H) was not (in their opinion) being good to them. My H, agreed. He began to take the 14 year old to college sporting events etc. and of course the EA and H had to communicate quite a bit to make those arrangements. It quickly got out of hand, and about a month later I discovered a phone message that she had left for my H. It was VERY inappropriate, to put it mildly. I flipped out, and things quickly went down hill from there.

It is great that the EA's dad is trying very hard to make you feel welcome and took ownership of his part....it would have been easy for him to slough it off on his "crazy" SIL.

Did you mean SIL figuratvely? He does not have a SIL.

He probably saw how his involvement made the sitch between his D and her H that much worse....especially from the incident.

I agree. At least he knows that it hurt me, which he never intended. He still maintains that the only thing that EA and my H did wrong was hide their communication. He is very emphatic that men and women can be friends, which is what he believes was happening.

I know my H, and I know better. I also know how he began to treat me during that period. Which is the very reason that I came to realize that something was very wrong.

Part of the EA's problem is that her parents have always believed that the sun rises out of her pretty little fanny. They kind of look down on her H and his family.

Incidently, what is the latest with them.....do they seem to be getting any better. I do think about them a little bit and the pain he was in.

I have not heard anything. A friend saw them together and shopping as a family a couple of days after the incident, but no one has mentioned anything else. I may hear something this weekend, but again maybe not. I have not seen them and people usually don't mention it around me.

I pray for them every day. I truly understand his pain, and I worry about the kids. I did find out that the 10 year old was there when it all happened. He had his dad by the leg and was trying to stop him from leaving the yard with the gun.

That piece came out during one of H's and I last arguments about his involvement and the inappropriate friendship. As disgusted as I was, I think that helped my H to open his eyes.

Looks like you are a couple again

Starting to feel like it too!!!

PS: Do you ever notice that you have to think about writing out Wife or Husband when communicating with someone else aside fom here.....lol (I do.......I think I think of my wife as a W)

You bet! I find myself trying to communicate with the abbreviations all of the time. I sent an email to my youngest son's gf yesterday and used PMA. She emailed back that she didn't know what that meant. I felt pretty foolish, and old.

Hope that all is well with you. My MRI went well last night. I have a routine onconology check up this afternoon and more blood work for them. I figure I'm probably a quart low after the last two weeks, lol.

[TwinDad]

Hey Hope,

Glad your check-ups are going well.......that has to take a load of stress off everytime. That is horrible about the 10 yr old son. To see your Dad like that....even though his Dad didn't ultimately do anything, I think in a large part the damage is done by what he has seen.

Did you mean SIL figuratvely? He does not have a SIL

I was referring to son in law (i.e. EA's H)



I am so glad that a couple of my "Girls" are pretty much home and free (you and Pisces). I can't tell you how good it feels to see some of my friends succeed at this.

My thought going in was I wanted a better R than ever before. I think I am getting there and I think you and Pisces are as well.

I am very happy for you.

For a kick you ought to read through some of your older stuff to see just how far things have come.

[TwinDad]

Hey Hope,

I just wanted to say you have been doing great. I know you are looking forward to this weekend and I know it will be a great time. Look at this as closing the loop with a new beginning from where the bad feelings started. Keep the past in the past.....forgive. I think I remembered this right....otherwise I sound very silly right now

[1hope]

I was referring to son in law (i.e. EA's H)

Duh! That's my chemo brain! son in law didn't even occur to me. All I could "see" was sister in law.

He does pretty much consider it the H's fault. Which is very sad to me. I have always liked the H. He is a very bright guy and we have always thought alike on various issues. My H always liked him very much too. Until the EA started and the book smart, but ditzy blonde W started whining about how badly her H was treating her and the kids. It all happened at a time that my H was hurting emotionally. She jumped in and took advantage and he lapped it up like a starving dog. lol

I am so glad that a couple of my "Girls" are pretty much home and free (you and Pisces). I can't tell you how good it feels to see some of my friends succeed at this.

It does feel good. Althought I am still a bit nervous about it all. The nightmare is still a bit fresh if you know what I mean.

My thought going in was I wanted a better R than ever before. I think I am getting there and I think you and Pisces are as well.

One of the things that I kept begging my H was that we could work things out and our R could be better than before. He was so dead set against that. I cound not see at that time that I just had to quietly do it by myself. I think one of the most important truths with DB is that you can do it alone and you don't need the buy in of your S.

Everyone kept telling me that I could not save my M unless my H "got help." No one (prior to finding DB) told me I could work change all on my own.

What a wonderful discovery. I am very happy, and so happy to read of your good as well.

I will go back and read some of my old stuff. I know that it will truly help me appreciate how far H and I have come.

[1hope]

Hey Hope,

I just wanted to say you have been doing great. I know you are looking forward to this weekend and I know it will be a great time. Look at this as closing the loop with a new beginning from where the bad feelings started. Keep the past in the past.....forgive. I think I remembered this right....otherwise I sound very silly right now

Not silly at all. You are spot on! I have been thinking along those lines and did as soon as he invited me.

I am looking forward to it, and intend to make it a great weekend for H as well.

I will keep the past in the past. All of the good things that I have learned from you have taught me how to forgive

p.s. Nothing wrong with your memory!

[TwinDad]

Phew.......I guess I have a couple more years before they put me in the "home" then......lol